PERSPECTIVE

being the single women we are and at the stage of life we're at, my best friend and i frequently discuss the topic of singlehood and marriage. and while we have our hopes, we know that ultimately, we are called to be content wherever we are and we can trust that God will give us the best for us. this morning, however, i gained a new perspective that i'd never really noticed before...

That same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question. "Teacher," they said, "Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and have children for him. Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his wife to his brother. The same thing happened to the second and third brother, right on down to the seventh. Finally, the woman died. Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?"

Jesus replied, "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. But about the resurrection of the dead--have you not read what God said to you, 'I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob' ? He is not the God of the dead but of the living."
~Matthew 22:23-32~

wait. what did Jesus say?

At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.

hm. so if this is the eternal perspective, why is it that we fret so much about finding that "special someone" again? i'm not saying marriage isn't important. just maybe that we place too much emphasis on seeing it happen in our own lives, especially in light of all the people who are passing into eternity Christless. definitely something to think about.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

~2 Corinthians 4:18~

ZZYZX

yes, folks, there is actually a street named Zzyzx in California. how it's pronounced is a very good question. :)

i'm back in town and yes, i had a wonderful time-off with my parents. seeing as Christmas is approaching, i thought i'd dedicate this entry to my thoughts on Mary, the mother of Jesus.

ever since a very long time ago, i've always felt attracted to the character of Mary. there was something about the way she was described in the gospels as treasuring up memories of Christ in her heart - the way she appreciated every moment of the situation she was in. it wasn't until last week that i could pinpoint why i liked her so much.

the first reason why i admire Mary is that young as she was, she allowed God to interrupt her plans for her life - she was wholly surrendered to God for His purposes. she walked with courage and she didn't worry about her reputation. i'm somewhat at a point in my life right now where God's "interrupting my plans" so to speak. i have much to learn from her. :>

secondly, arguably, Mary's was made to be a mother. that was her purpose. from my childhood days, i've always wanted to be a mother and i've felt that that was what i was made for. so knowing that God made Mary to be a mother encourages me when most of society today doesn't think too much of motherhood.

anyway, there's a rather personal entry for ya. ;> *sigh* back to the Christmas cards i go... :>

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.
~Luke 2:19~

QUICKIE

praise God for getting me through this semester!!!! wow. it was intense. and i'm still not used to being on break. :D anywho, i'm going down to the land of casinos and flashy lights for a week. i'll be back dec 14th. in the meantime, for anyone who cares to remember, please pray for me as i search God's heart for my future. i'm taking some time during my vacation in Las Vegas to hopefully make some decisions about my school/post-school career (ironic location, i know). thanks to all of you who sustained me through prayer and encouragement this year. what an adventure it has been! (and i know there'll be much more coming!)

k, gonna leave you with these words to ponder:
There is a need for leaders who will "mobilize the people of God for adventurous and imaginative mission."
-- Paul Beasley-Murray as quoted in Out of the Comfort Zone by George Verwer

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
~James 1:5~

EYE-POO PART II

ok, so i've been asked to clarify my Tozer quote from last sunday. so here's my take on things (and i hope it's correct!)...

1. Deal thoroughly with sin.
i think this one's pretty self-explanatory. if we leave any hint of sin lurking around, it'll get in the way between us and God (and probably affect our relationships with others as well) (Proverbs 28:13, Psalm 32).

2. Never own anything - get rid of the sense of possessing.
the idea here, i think, is not about not buying anything or having nothing to your name. i don't think Tozer is telling us to live our lives renting and borrowing from people. the point is more about seeing everything we have as belonging to God. it's about living life with an open hand - His to give, His to take away (Job 1:21).

3. Never defend yourself.
again, this one isn't about literally letting someone hurt you. the motivation here is to allow God to bring about justice rather than take it into our own hands. Romans 12:19, "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[12:19 Deut. 32:35] says the Lord.'" so it's not so much about physical defense as defending our reputation or pride.

4. Never pass anything on about anybody else that will hurt them.
'cuz that would be gossip. and "gossip separates close friends" (Proverbs 16:28)

5.Never accept any glory.
glory belongs to God alone because without Him we wouldn't be where we are. Revelations 4:11, "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."

i hope that's helpful. there are probably other explanations, but that's how i see it.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
~Colossians 3:16~

HE'S REAL

here's a handy tip for all of yas: don't donate blood if you feel even slightly unwell. guess who had to learn the hard way? [grin]

anyway, if anything good could come out of extreme tummy discomfort, loss of fluids, fitful sleep, lack of sugar and low blood pressure, it's this... i felt the hand of Jesus keep me from bashing my head against the toilet as i was on the verge of fainting and again lifting me up off the bathroom floor and guiding me to my room even though i could hardly see. it's odd but i distinctly remember calling on the name of Jesus to help me get up even though my body was slumped on the ground this morning. and i think it was knowing that He was with me that kept me from freaking out since none of my suitemates knew (or cared) that i was sick. wow. it's really so reassuring knowing that God watches over me. it's also good to have friends who live downstairs who are just a phonecall away. :>

I lift up my eyes to the hills-
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD ,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip-
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you-
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm-
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
~Psalm 121~

ON HUMILITY

just my thoughts from this morning...

humility comes to those who put their trust in God. when we are confident in our identity as God's children, we don't have to strive to prove ourselves or try to protect our pride. when we feel secure in God, we can obey Him freely. Richard Foster says that obedience is the key to humility, but i think it goes beyond that. faith is the key to humility. most interpretations of Philippians 2 (see below) are that Jesus came to earth as a human and was obedient to death on a cross despite being God. but i tend to agree with John Ortberg who said that Jesus came down and was obedient not despite being God, but because He is God. the nature of God is humility. it was because Jesus knew God's nature, His faithfulness, His sovereignty, His love... that He had the freedom to obey the Father and live a selfless life. looking at it this way, Philippians 2 becomes a passage that is not about the heroism of Christ - it is a message of hope for us that we too can attain an attitude that is "the same as that of Christ Jesus."

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death--
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
~Philippians 2:5-11~

EYE-POO

talking to my best friend last night, we came upon an analogy that got us both thinking and laughing. we were discussing the things in our lives that are keeping us from seeing God clearly when the idea of "eye poo" (or, "sleep" in english - basically, the crusty stuff that keeps your eyes from opening fully in the morning) came about. and we realized that we need God's help to rub our eyes clean so we can open them fully and see His face.

we also went on a tangent about the vulgarity of the cantonese language where bodily secretions are all termed "poo" of some sort (snot = nose poo, earwax = ear poo)... hahaha... oh, we're still such children. anywho, we are mystified as to what the other dialects of chinese call these things - my mom doesn't even know. maybe cantonese is the only dialect that even refers to such things?...

anyway, i've been reading Gems From Tozer and practically every page has something underlined. now i want to read more of his writing! i'll share one thing today (more to come later?):

Now there are five vows I have in mind which we do well to make and keep.
1. Deal thoroughly with sin.
2. Never own anything - get rid of the sense of possessing.
3. Never defend yourself.
4. Never pass anything on about anybody else that will hurt them.
5.Never accept any glory.

the two blind men said it well:
They said, "Master, we want our eyes opened. We want to see!"
~Matthew 20:33~

CROWDED NEURONS

it's been over a week since i've updated... my apologies for anyone who's been checking and finding no updates. :T

there's too much on the brain! we started construction on the set this past week. the first read-through of the play is tomorrow. chrismas music has already started being played on the radio(!). there's some serious lack of sleep going on. and for some odd reason, i haven't been feeling like going to church (don't worry, i'm still going every week). i'm feeling more and more like a recluse wanting to slip away into my little corner of the studio, immerse myself into my imaginary world and not resurface for a very long time. but thank God for brothers and sisters in Christ who check up on me. 'cuz i feel like i'm in a dangerous place. like i'm trying to trace the footprints of God (Psalm 77:19)

anywho, no really inspiring thoughts today. but if you happen to have some, feel free to leave a comment. :>

*sigh* time for bed!

I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.
Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High."
I will remember the deeds of the LORD ;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?
You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
The waters saw you, O God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.
~Psalm 77:1-2, 10-11, 13-14, 16, 19~

LIKE A CHILD

some of you may know that my pastor's four-year-old son is currently undergoing treatment for cancer. this past week, he had a bone marrow transplant and the most recent prayer update i received from my pastor was quite inspiring. so i'll share a little snippet of it with you:

Amidst all the discomfort he has felt over the last 2 weeks, we admire our son's endurance and strength. When we told him how sorry we are for the way he feels, "that's ok" he said. He has the simple faith to trust that despite all the pain we have put him through, we are trying to help him get better. He's never doubted our love and he does not complain. Only if we can also learn to trust that God is love and He has been putting us through this painful experience to make us "better"!

And [Jesus] said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
~Matthew 18:3-4~

NEW PRAYER

this morning's passage was about Elijah when he faced the 850 prophets of Baal in a showdown on Mount Carmel. while i'd read this story before and always felt like cheering for God after seeing how He sent fire down from heaven to burn up a water soaked sacrifice, i'd never taken a close look at the prayer Elijah prayed to effect that response.

rereading Elijah's story, i could identify with him in some senses. Elijah was one man of God in the face of hundreds of unbelieving skeptics. i do not stand against hundreds, but as a Christian, i am definitely a minority in the Theatre department (i know of one other person who claims to be a Christian). Elijah was high profile. i'm not as high profile, but as a fourth year who's designing a set for a show, i do get looked to quite a lot, both by students and by faculty. and Elijah had the favour of the Lord on him that allowed his endeavours to succeed. in the same way, i have been sensing that God's hand is definitely on me as i design this show (how else would you explain the mysterious way all my profs had no readings or assignments due the week my final design package was due? coincidence? i think not!). so my new prayer is now the one Elijah prayed for the people as he stood in the face of the unbelieving masses. i pray that they would see God's work and turn back to Him.

At the time of sacrifice, the prophet Elijah stepped forward and prayed:
"O LORD , God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, O LORD , answer me, so these people will know that you, O LORD , are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again."
~1 Kings 18:36-37~

IRONY

here's the most ironic verse i've read recently considering my ample supply of stuff to do...

It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives sleep to his beloved.
~Psalm 127:2~

i love it! but it's verse 1 that gives it context...

Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
~Psalm 127:1~

FAITHFUL ONE

Faithful One so unchanging
Ageless One You're my rock of peace
Lord of All I depend on You
I call out to You again and again
I call out to You again and again.

You are my rock in times of trouble
You lift me up when I fall down
All through the storm Your love is the anchor
My hope is in You alone.

~Brian Doerkson

He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
~2 Corinthians 12:9-10~

INVITATION

in the 16th/17th century court of King Louis XIV, dances were a common occurance and all the refined members of society would know how to dance. if you were an especially good dancer, the king would invite you to sit closer to him.

since i'm taking a dance class this year, i've been rediscovering my love of movement. i've also been thinking about how i love to dance for my King - Jesus. and i realized that just like in the courts of Versailles, if our dances (ie, dancing to His music - living by the Spirit, dancing the steps of love, faith, etc) are pleasing, our King invites us to come and sit closer to Him. and we don't even have to be expert dancers.

maybe it's because i love dance, but to me, that's a beautiful illustration. :>

In GOD's presence I'll dance all I want!... Oh yes, I'll dance to GOD's glory.
~2 Samuel 6:21 [the Message]~

WHERE HAS OLIVE BEEN HIDING?

i don't usually do updates of this sort, but the past few days have been so crazy and such a testimony to the sustaining grace of God that i had to jot this down before i go to bed.

so as part of my fourth year theatre production program, i've been given the privilege of designing the set for York's second play of the season. the preliminary deadline for the design was today. this past monday (thanksgiving), i met with my director to discuss the way the design was heading and he had an epiphany, which sent the whole visual concept in a different direction. what this meant was that what i was originally supposed to do in three weeks, i now had three days to finish. hearing about the situation, my teachers were all very understanding and they told me to get whatever i could done. so i worked away, steadily and surely. i also put a new motto up on my bulletin board to remind me of where my strength was from: By GOD'S GRACE, i will LIVE through this... not just survive.

7:00pm tonight, we had our meeting to present our preliminary designs. the director explained his new approach and my teacher reiterated that whatever i had was acceptable. my other teacher even suggested we set another due date if need be. but there was no need. by the grace of God, i'd managed to get every single thing completed! and on top of that, i've been able to sneak in classes, fellowship time and coffee with a friend. :> sure, i've only had about 9 hrs sleep over the past two days, but now i can take the weekend off and rest.

so i praise God for giving me strength and the clarity of thought to complete this segment of the project. three days of non-stop model building and drawing has been pretty harrowing. but now, i sleep. :D

I love you, O LORD , my strength.
~Psalm 18:1~

EXTENDED FAMILY

growing up with the same group of people at church, the guys and gals have become like extended family to me. things are so comfortable, so easy, always there. while on one hand, that's really nice, on the other, it's terribly easy to take them for granted.

over the summer, the guys made a series of "appreciation cards" for the girls where they took a group picture from summer retreat and made up personalized poems for each of the girls. well, today, i finally got mine (only 'cuz my attendance at fellowship is inconsistent at best). and can i just say, i'll be keeping this for a long time to come! nine lines of poetry brought so much encouragement to my heart, just as i was getting tired and worn out...

SALT boys: thank you, thank you, thank you. if i could give each of you a hug, i would. so consider these words a verbal hug. :)

today, i was reminded of the wonderful gift of encouragement.

because their poem was just so good, i'm going to share it (hope y'all don't mind!):
with your voice and a shaker
leading praises for our maker
your godliness inspires.

a page of daily reflections
reveal a heart of passion
your godliness inspires.

bible studies and mission trips
pointing to God's gracious gift
your godliness inpires.
~ the SALT guys (RHCBC uni fellowship)

Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints.
~Philemon 1:7~

CHILDREN

ever notice that in any situation where there are mostly adults, the children will naturally gravitate toward one another? well, it occured to me that when Jesus tells us to welcome the children, it should come naturally to us, since we're called children of God. and children will easily notice other children. :>

And he [Jesus] said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
~Matthew 18:3~

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
~Matthew 19:14~

SO?

to celebrate my mom's birthday today, our family went with some family friends to niagara-on-the-lake for a nice brunch. the waitress was very friendly and after my parents introduced me to her, we started conversing. it struck me as a little odd but one of her first questions to me was whether i had a boyfriend (!). of course, that's not the first time i've been asked that question, but i guess it tests my patience every time i get asked. 'cuz it reminds me that no, i don't. and no, i haven't yet. but i guess i've seen myself grow in this respect. 'cuz even though i hope to get married, i'm satisfied knowing that God knows what's best for me and that His timing is perfect. i can trust Him with all the details of my life. what an awesome thought.

Wait for the LORD ;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
~Psalm 27:14~

SCHOOL RULES

just came back from C² for CES weekend. wanted to share something from Mike Woodard, our speaker:

God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life...
DON'T FIGHT - yield to God
DON'T REPEAT CLASSES - be teachable
DON'T RUN IN THE HALLS - be patient with God's timing
FOLLOW THE RULES - obey God

God is exalted in his power.

Who is a teacher like him?
~Job 36:22~

HMN...

so it seems like hurricane isabel arrived late at york. it was raining so hard this afternoon it was unbelievable. but something cool happened. my friend was heading out when she asked if any of us had an extra umbrella. since i figured she had a longer walk home than i did, i happily lent her mine (complete with reflective bands on it so she wouldn't get run over by a car). when my turn came to head outside, it was still pouring so my other friend and i decided on going out another door. the oddest thing was that by the time we set foot outside, the rain had disappeared! so i walked home without getting wet.

sometimes, God's grace shows up in the most unexpected ways.

The LORD watches over you-
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
~Psalm 121:5-6~

THE CRAZINESS BEGINS

updates will most likely be more sparse from now on - unless something major happens that's worth writing about. ;> two months of insanity. one december to rest. and three more months in the studio/theatre. that's fourth year in a nutshell. :>

anywho, here's something interesting i received today...

---
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is
at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and
you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not
raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
---

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
~Joshua 1:9~

THANKFUL

downs and ups of living in res.

downs: -fire alarm at 2am, right in the middle of my REM sleep...
- no elevator access to our 14 floor building after the fact

ups: i live on the third floor. :D

8:30am history lecture this morning did not find me a happy camper. but my building didn't burn down and i got a decent night's sleep. :>

God is good. always.

here's a good verse to chew on for ya:

This is what the LORD says to the house of Israel:
"Seek me and live; do not seek Bethel, do not go to Gilgal, do not journey to Beersheba.
~Amos 5:4-5~

WHAT IT'S NOT ABOUT

had a challenging conversation with a friend last night that left me feeling quite inadequate and frustrated. this morning, i brought it to God and i realized that i'd been striving to impress the other person when really, that wasn't the point. a true friendship cannot be based on anything other than genuineness. so whether the other person sees me as less mature or considers me an equal, i can be at peace because there are no false pretenses.

i never really thought i'd be trying to impress others because i felt i was secure about myself, but i guess this morning God broke my pride again. i need to trust God more and myself less.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...
~Hebrews 12:2~

CRAZEE!

my classmates think i'm intoxicated and my worship team thinks i'm crazy. but last thursday, as i was sitting outside for my drawing class, trying to find something that inspired my pencil, my eyes settled on a wall covered with ivy. as the wind blew, the leaves rustled up and down in waves. to my tired mind, it appeared to me as if they were laughing! so in a moment of utter heaviness, when all i wanted to do was lie down and sleep, God brought laughter into my world - through ivy, of all things!

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
~Isaiah 61:1,3~

EXCERPTS

came across a few gems from Brother Lawrence's Practicing the Presence of God:

...the end we ought to propose to oursleves is to become, in this life, the most perfect worshippers of God we can possibly be, as we hope to be through all eternity.

...the greater perfection a soul aspires after, the more dependent it is upon Divine grace.

...Hold yourself in prayer before God like a dumb or paralytic beggar at a rich man's gate: let it be your business to keep your mind in the presence of the LORD.

What other nation is so great as to have their gods near them the way the LORD our God is near us whenever we pray to him?
~Deuteronomy 4:7~

MISSING

been pondering the emotion of missing people lately. why do we miss people? what makes certain people missed more than others? are missing and longing for someone the same thing? in my mind, i picture the emotion as a little blue character, sitting all alone at the bottom step at my heart's door. and it's curious that although i may miss people for different reasons, the emotion is still the same.

All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.
~Psalm 38:9~

MARRIAGE = 1 MAN + 1 WOMAN?

for a while, i was questioning God why i should stand up in defence of the current definition of marriage. i reasoned that our christian standards shouldn't be expected of people who are not christians. but God showed me in my quiet time last week that it's not about rights. it's about love. if we really love these people, we wouldn't let them settle for less than God's best. 'cuz in reality, people who find satisfaction in same-sex relationships are really selling themselves short of real love - which is as God designed it to be.

i remember at Urbana 2000, Pastor Ken Fong told us that the measurement of when a couple is ready to have children is whether there is an overflow of love between them. the reason why God created us is that He was so full of love that He wanted to share it with someone. so love, in its fullness, ultimately gives. in a relationship between a man and a woman, this design of love can be acheived naturally.

it's true that because we live in a fallen world, children are born and raised in families that fall very short of this ideal and that some relationships between two men or two women may seem more genuine than some husbands and wives'. but in the end, it really is for our benefit if we live by God's design.

so this same-sex marriage issue is like anything else in life that deceives us into exchanging our good for God's best.

And now I will show you the most excellent way.
Love...
~1 Corinthians 12:31-13:1~

TINY

God's gift today was this picture: tiny sparrows dwarfed by grass, feeding by the pond on campus.

two lessons i learned from this picture:
1. i am just as tiny in the world, yet God feeds me with plenty
2. just as i find delight in watching the sparrows minding their own business in complete simplicity, God delights in us when we go about His work in simple trust and obedience.

and somewhere, in the midst of intently watching the sparrows, God whispered to me, "remember this picture; store it in your heart. you'll need to come back to it when life gets noisy and school wears on." how timely. 'cuz it's 1:37am and the frosh week pub night's still going strong. the party's out in the parking lot and my windows are rattling with the beats. but i'm happy. 'cuz i got a gift from God today. :>

Thanks, God, for the gift of sparrows.

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.
~Luke 12:6~

DIVINE APPOINTMENT

had a most amusing experience last night. after a long day of moving and unpacking and settling in, i'd gone to visit a friend in the next residence. coming back up to my room, i walked up the stairs and entered the suite. i noticed a girl sitting in the common room, watching TV so i stopped to chat with her. since i'm living with three new people this year, it didn't occur to me that i'd never seen this girl before. i clued in that something was wrong when she looked at me funny and asked me if i lived there. then i realized, i was on the wrong floor! i ended up talking to her for about an hour and we found out that we're in the same tutorial for one course (even though we're in different majors!) praise God for new friendships, especially random ones. ;)

A man's steps are directed by the LORD.
~Proverbs 20:24~

OPEN BOOK

i was talking to someone at a party tonight and since i didn't know her, i introduced myself and got her name. then, she commented that she'd heard lots about me and that got me curious. what i wasn't prepared for was that she proceeded to tell me that she knew that i'd gone on a missions trip, helped with TC worship and was involved in York CCF... basically, my life story! (i'm just thankful i was talking to a girl!)

anyway, i've always been aware of the importance of integrity, but this incident only emphasizes it all the more. :p

I'm holding fast to my integrity and not loosening my grip--
and, believe me, I'll never regret it.
~Job 27:6 [Message]~

ONE STEP

i am praying. in my mind, i see myself taking one step. it seems as if i'm walking off a cliff, onto thin air. i have been here before. but this time, i suddenly notice there is water beneath my feet. then i am aware of a Presence. i hear His voice, "do you trust me?" my eyes gaze upward to an outstretched hand. it is Jesus. He is standing on the waves in the midst of the storm, inviting me to step into this adventure with Him. i have been transported into Peter's experience! i'm being offered an opportunity to walk on water with my Lord.

i know i have already been told that i must go to everyone He sends me to and that He will be with me and rescue me (Jer 1:7-8). my choice is whether or not to obey. whether or not to believe. i discover this: fear is persistent and stubborn. yet i know what to ask for: love.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.
~1 John 4:18~

LOVIN' LIFE... TOO MUCH?

Come, Lord Jesus, Come. so the chorus went. as i stood there, i asked myself if i could really sing those words from my heart. was i eagerly expecting the return of Christ? at the moment, i could not say i was. sure, it would be awesome to be able to see Jesus face to face and to live in perfect love. but how could i ask Jesus to come soon when so many people around me still did not know Him? how could i turn a blind eye to the fact that all my classmates and most of my friends would be spending eternity without God if Jesus were to come back today? at this point, God challenged me: "Do you not trust me? Don't I know the spiritual condition of each and every individual I created? Am I not a God of mercy? I will not let people perish without offering them my redemption." He continued, "Are you not loving your life here on earth too much? Your activities, your friendships, your little lessons in life... Did I not call you to love Me and to love My Son? Why are you so hesitant for me to come back?"

hmmm... so much more to surrender.

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
~2 Peter 3:9~

WISDOM

A good name is better than fine perfume,
and the day of death better than the day of birth.
It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every man;
the living should take this to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter,
because a sad face is good for the heart.
The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.
The end of a matter is better than its beginning,
and patience is better than pride.

Consider what God has done:
Who can straighten
what he has made crooked?
When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one
as well as the other.
Therefore, a man cannot discover
anything about his future.
~Ecclesiastes 7:1-5, 8, 13-14~

SOLID ROCK

funerals are good at drawing out complex emotions. since my family is faced with three of them this saturday, i've been exploring the ideas of death and grieving. and i realize that death really is such a mystery.

tonight, i was at a practice for one of the services that i've been asked to sing at, and we were working on the hymn The Solid Rock (also known as My Hope Is Built On Nothing Less) and i found that the words were really appropriate to me this weekend. the funeral will be sandwiched between a mission team reunion and a birthday get-together. so i'm basically setting myself up for an emotional roller-coaster ride. but supporting it all is my belief in Christ - the Solid Rock. so whether i laugh or cry, i know i am secure.

My hope is built on nothing less,
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' Name.

On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

~Edward Mote and William Bradbury~

My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
~Psalm 62:1-3~

HANGIN LOOSE

did you know that in Psalm 46:10, when it says "Be still," a literal translation of the hebrew is "let your arms hang down"? so in the midst of battle and fighting (the context for the rest of the psalm) God tells us to let go of all we're holding onto. and when we do that, God will exalt Himself among the nations and in all the earth.

just a cool thought i wanted to share. :>

"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
~Psalm 46:10~

TRAPPING MONKEYS

i once heard this story in a sermon but tonight, it resurfaced to my mind. it's probably not exactly as i heard it, but it'll still illustrate the point.

in a certain jungle, a group of hunters were known for their unique way of catching the monkeys harassing their community. every evening, they would set out a large jar of nuts by the trees and go back to their homes. in the middle of the night, when everyone was asleep, the monkeys would come out and approach the jar. seeing that it held a yummy assortment of nuts, one of the animals would reach its hand into the jar and take a big handful. but then, panic would hit: the monkey wouldn't be able to get its hand out! the fist, full of nuts, would not fit past the opening of the jar. and since the jar was too heavy for the monkey to lift, it had no choice but to stay stuck there, defeated, until the hunters found it the next morning. the key, of course, was that all the monkey had to do was let go of a few of those nuts and it would have been free.

i realized tonight that i've been acting like that monkey recently. i've been trapping myself by holding on to worries about things i should not be thinking of at the moment. so once again, i find myself stuck with my hand in the jar and God's looking at me and prodding me "just let go a little! then you will be free to bring out the rest of the nuts in your hand to offer to me." how i pray that i would be a wise monkey!

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
~Matthew 11:28-30~

HOUSE WASH!

do clouds ever run out of rain?

about half an hour ago, i was sitting here at my computer when all of a sudden, i started hearing a loud pit-pat on the roof. i pushed aside my curtains and i saw huge drops of rain coming down. a couple seconds later, water was falling in sheets. it was breathtaking and awe-inspiring. witnessing this brief but powerful downpour made me feel like a little child again - seeing the world with eyes of wonder, amazed at the might of the Creator. this is the God i serve. this is the God who loves me! this is the God in whom my future rests secure. oh, let me dance in the puddles and sing in the rain. :D

"To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.
Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
~Isaiah 40:25-26~

FRUIT SALAD

mixed bag of feelings today. i went through most of today with Proverbs 13:12a running through my mind, characterizing how i felt. but just now, i had a really great conversation with a friend that got the wheels turning in this rusty brain of mine. the question we were debating was whether it's possible to live anxiety-free in this life since Jesus calls us to it yet we are so prone to sinning (you can mull this over for yourself!).

*thanks for the mental aerobics! you lifted me out of my little pit today :> *

Proverbs 13:12. today it's the first half. second half... soon, perhaps?

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but when dreams come true, there is life and joy.
~Proverbs 13:12 [NLT]~

I AM

I was regretting the past
And fearing the future...
Suddenly my Lord was speaking:
'MY NAME IS I AM.' He paused.
I waited. He continued.

'WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE PAST
WITH ITS MISTAKES AND REGRETS
IT IS HARD. I AM NOT THERE.
MY NAME IS NOT I WAS.

WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE FUTURE
WITH ITS PROBLEMS AND FEARS
IT IS HARD. I AM NOT THERE.
MY NAME IS NOT I WILL BE.

WHEN YOU LIVE IN THIS MOMENT
IT IS NOT HARD
I AM HERE.
MY NAME IS I AM.

~Helen Mallicoat

Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?"
God said to Moses, "I am who I am . This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' "
~Exodus 3:13-14~

HE KNOWS MY NAME

I have a maker, He formed my heart
Before even time began my life was in His hands.

He knows my name,
He knows my every thought,
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call.

I have a Father, He calls me His own
He'll never leave me no matter where I go.

~Tommy Walker

Tommy Walker's song is really just a contemporary expression of Psalm 139. this weekend, i experienced the reality of it again.

on sunday night, a group of us left our retreat to attend a wedding banquet for one of the members of our church. at about 10:30pm we all hit the dance floor. now you have to understand, the guys in our group rarely dance, in fact, i think the majority didn't even know how to slow dance. needless to say, it was a highly amusing evening. in all my years being at our church, i've never had so much fun with this group of people. and i think i haven't laughed so hard since coming back to Toronto from my mission project.

on the way back to retreat, i realized that my misgivings of leaving retreat to go to the banquet had been silly and that God had planned it all along. He knew i needed to laugh again. He knew i needed the time just to have fun with the people i serve with.

my friend and fellow worship leader said to me just before we started to dance, "this is very different from sunday worship." and i looked at him and responded, "maybe somehow this is worship, too." in retrospect, i know what happened that night really was worship - because God's sovereignty shone through and in the end, He got the glory.

praise God for meeting our needs before we're even aware of them!

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
~1 Corinthians 10:31~

OFF AGAIN

long weekend:summer retreat with my church:almost three days away from home to focus on God. in a way, i'm looking forward to it. but i'm not really that excited about it. maybe because i feel like i've been on one long retreat since school let off. and maybe because i've felt a little like i've been in a bog since i got back from Japan. but still, i look forward to having time away from the everyday stuff just to spend with God. i pray that i can be open to His voice and that i can be an encouragement to those who will be there with me.

i've realized it's difficult to live in the present. my tendency is to either live in the past or the future. hm. reminds me of a quote i read a couple days ago.

To live in the past and future is easy.
To live in the present is like threading a needle.
~Walker Percy~

...show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.
~Song of Solomon 2:14~

KINDERGARTEN REVISITED

when i was a small child, my mom taught me how to read and write chinese. after a while, i got too busy and too disinterested in learning the language so my chinese books sat in a drawer and collected dust. later, those books were packed into a box and hauled down into a corner of the basement. there they remained.

until yesterday.

i guess one of the benefits of being a pack rat is that you have stuff when you need it. now that i'm preparing to head to China, i suddenly realize that knowing how to read and write is actually a very good thing. mind you, it's a lot more difficult to learn everything now, but it gives me hope knowing that countless people who have no chinese background have learned mandarin. and so i set off on this new adventure. starting with book 1: kindergarten.

Let us discern for ourselves what is right;
let us learn together what is good.
~Job 34:4~

JOLT

once in a while, you'll hear about something that shakes the core of who you are and makes you rethink your life. this afternoon, my friend told me about his friend from another country who'd been attacked while leaving her campus one night, knocked unconscious and subsequently had to have an abortion. what's more, these horrifying events were only part of all the pain she's been through.

the only image in my mind after hearing about her was a limp, broken rag doll. my heart shattered when i saw the extreme brokenness that this girl was experiencing and i realized brokenness surrounds us daily. why has God chosen to protect me with His grace? why has He chosen to spare me from the dangers that devour so many people around me? i will never know the mind of God but i do know that i will thank Him for the life i do have and i will be ever more fervent in spending my days here on earth bringing His love to the hurting, sick and lost (which is really every person i'll ever meet).

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved.
~Ephesians 2:4-5~

HUMOUR IN THE HOUSE

[parents sitting in the family room, Dad mindlessly flipping channels]

[enter Olive with her dinner]

Mom: Have a seat!

[Olive sits]

[all eyes turn to the TV]

Ols: Um, Dad, can we watch something else?
Dad: Why?
Ols: It's a show about snakes.
Mom: And she's eating.
Dad: Oh.

[Dad flips to another channel]

[pause]

[Mom and Ols burst out laughing]

Dad: What?
Mom [still laughing]: Read the program title!

[On screen: Top Ten Toilets In Vegas]

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter
and your lips with shouts of joy.
~Job 8:21~

DAWN

Dear God,

Every morning when I wake up, my hands are tightly clenched around my life. Then, You gently pry them open, one finger at a time. First You have me let go of my worries - the everyday logistics of things that need to be sorted out. Then, I let go of my selfish wants. I let go of the lies in my head that tell me I must earn Your love. I release my past failures. And my fears of the future. Now there is nothing in the palm of my left hand.

Releasing my right hand, I let go of my personal dreams and plans. I give you my relationships with friends. I hand over my relationship with my parents. Then, I give You the doubts that invade my mind. Finally, as the last finger is uncurled, I let my pride go.

At last, I am free. I am simply me, open to receiving all the lessons, challenges and blessings You desire for me. And I am secure because I know I was Your idea in the first place.

Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for GOD's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.
~Proverbs 3:5-6 [Message]~

LEARNING FROM CHILDREN

ABOUT FAITH
yesterday, my pastor told us about a game his one-year-old daughter made up. she'll be happily playing in the room with her daddy when all of a sudden, he'll look around and find that she's not there anymore. then, he'll see that she's at the foot of the staircase, giggling away, teasing her daddy to come chase her. her daddy slowly creeps toward her and she scrambles up the stairs. by the time he reaches the stairs, she's four or five steps up. then, in an act of pure and complete trust, she freefalls backwards, fully expecting to land in her daddy's arms.

ABOUT TRANSPARENCY
my parents and i spent the afternoon watching old family videos from my 4th and 5th birthday parties. other than being highly amusing, i noticed that when it came time for unwrapping the gifts, my little friends would hand me their gift and while i was busy tearing the paper off, they'd tell my mom what was inside. it dawned on me that somewhere on the road to adulthood, we've all gotten very good at keeping secrets. too good, even. we've learned to pretend that things are ok when they aren't. and most of us present ourselves to people based on the way we want them to think of us.

no wonder Jesus told us to learn from the little children!

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
~Matthew 18:3~

LIKE TOILET PAPER?

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer you are to the end, the faster it goes.
~John Maxwell

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, you never think you'll run out.
~Steve Choi

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
~Psalm 90:12~

RAISON D'ETRE

seems to me that the book du jour is the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. every cell group i see is going through that book. people are mentioning it left, right and center. i was given it for my birthday. and since i've been asking God what He wants me to do with my life, i've started reading it as well. anywho, something that is becoming very clear to me is God's call for me to China. and along with this call, comes the challenge to encourage more Canadian born Chinese students to consider it.

here's my line of thinking. God made me for a purpose. God promises to fulfill the purposes He has for me (Psalm 138:8.) the ultimate purpose for anything is that at the end of the day, all things will be held under the headship of Christ (Eph. 1:10.) so to tie those thoughts together, God has made me as i am so that i can help bring people to Christ.

i know that God does not make mistakes. so there is a reason why i am born as a Chinese girl in this age to Christian parents. and there is a reason why i was raised in Toronto.

growing up as a CBC, my peers and i often looked down on the fact that we were Chinese. we made jokes about China and poked fun at the cultural customs and tendencies. we were proud of our identities as Canadians but not so much as Chinese. but now i realize that that attitude was disrespecting God. it was He who brought our parents out of China so that we could come to know Christ in this free country of Canada. it was His plan that this new generation of Chinese people would have the financial stability, spiritual foundation and network of support to be sent back to their homeland to reach the 1.3 billion people who share their heritage but are dying without Christ (23,000 a day). it was also in His divine plan that we would be ready to minister in an age when hearts are open and there is a window of opportunity to reach China before materialism takes root. God makes no mistakes. and that is why i believe that in the coming few years, many of the youth in the chinese churches in Canada will be hearing the call to reach China. all in His perfect time.

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me.
~Psalm 138:8~

YUMMY!

wednesday nights are now my feast nights. :> every wednesday, our fellowship meets for bible study to prepare ourselves for the new year of ministry ahead. and every wednesday, i leave feeling like i've had the biggest, most satisfying meal because God's Word is just SO GOOD.

tonight, God revealed a new dimension of campus ministry that i had never really taken to heart before. while we were chewing on Acts 2:42-47, we noticed that this initial stage of the church was smooth sailing. everything was good, everyone was happy. it was a honeymoon. then, a couple pages later, the religious leaders start getting jealous and the church begins to feel some antagonism (Acts 5:17). After Stephen's stoning, Luke writes, "On that day a great persecution broke out against the church at Jerusalem, and all except the apostles were scattered throughout Judea and Samaria" (Acts 8:2). the church is now scattered. but the early days served as a solid basis for the believers - they had felt the power of God and seen His love at work in their community. two verses later, we're told that those who were scattered did not lose their faith but rather, they "preached the word wherever they went."

in the same way, when students graduate, they too are scattered into the world that is full of danger and persecution. so one role of the campus ministry is to provide an Acts 2 type of environment where they can be rooted and gain a solid foundation in the knowledge and experience of the reality of God. and our grad programs should be more of send-offs!

so many lessons in one day. more insights to be posted tomorrow. :>

For the word of God is living and active.
~Hebrews 4:12a~

DELIGHT

i think i'm finally back in the swing of things now. after having many conversations with different friends today, i sat down and realized that i'm really happy. i'm literally delighted to reconnect with the people around me. my schedule's starting to fill up again and i don't resent it. God has restored my soul. :> i look at the remainder of my summer and i see that i probably won't be getting much theatre work. but i am unphased. i hope to get some commissions for garage paintings (anyone want some artwork on their garage doors? ;> ) so that i can pay for school next year. but i know i rest secure in God's hands. i'm excited that i can finally meet up with some of my school friends again. i pray that God will give me opportunities to share about His goodness and His gospel with them! it's sort of odd to be feeling this much joy in a time when my family is grieving, but that's the depth and beauty of knowing Jesus. because in Christ, death on earth is only temporary separation.

Blessed be Your name, when the sun's shining down on me,
When the world's all as it should be,
Blessed be Your name.
Blessed be Your name, on the road marked with suffering,
Though there's pain in the offering,
Blessed be Your name.
- Beth and Matt Redman

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
~Psalm 23:1-4~

TRIBUTE

[Saturday, July 12, 2003 - Swatow, China - 6:00am]
Ah Ma slipped into eternity after 97 full years here on earth.

Jesus, thank you for your graciousness to my family, that my dad could go back when he did and witness his mother's decision to follow You. Continue to grant us your comforting presence as we who remain still have much to do in Your harvest fields. Grant mercy to my relatives who do not have the assurance of Hope that we have - that they would see their need of You. Thank you for taking care of my grandma for me, God. i look forward to getting to know her in eternity.

Meanwhile, all the people were wailing and mourning for her. "Stop wailing," Jesus said. "She is not dead but asleep."
~Luke 8:52~

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
~Revelation 21:3-4~

LOST ART

despite the fact that i don't have much going on these days, i've still managed to procrastinate for a whole week on several small tasks. a couple of the items i've put off simply because i really dislike picking up the phone to call people. but one of the slightly more important tasks involves writing a letter.

every time i sit down to write it, my mind draws a blank. is it because i have nothing to say? not really. do i not want to write this person? no. i want to send this letter. then why? hm. i realize that i haven't written a letter in a long time. i feel rusty and i don't know how to begin. these days, communication needs to be quick so we email, icq or talk on the phone. the trouble with this high speed communication is that we end up writing in sentence fragments and shortforms all over the place. handwritten letters are simply a dying species. when i was growing up, i wrote letters all the time. but since i hit university, my letter writing has dwindled. maybe now that i have time, i can start it up again. :>

and now that i've written to procrastinate about writing the letter, i think i'll actually start the letter.

Don't procrastinate--there's no time to lose.
~Proverbs 6:4[Message]~

oops. :p

SECRET

guy friend: why do girls like flowers so much?
me: it's a secret between us and God. :>

oh how wonderful to have God as my friend!

O LORD , you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD .
You hem me in-behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
~Psalm 139:1-6~

NO SACRIFICE

it's not often that a song can totally change one's life, but i can honestly say that this one has. i learned it on the Japan project and God has used it to challenge me to totally hand over *everything* in my life to Him. why? because in the end, i am really only exchanging what i think is good for the surpassing greatness of what God wants to give me.

To you I give my life
Not just the parts I want to
To You I sacrifice
These dreams that I hold onto

Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice, here’s my life

To You I give the gifts
Your love has given me
How can I hoard the treasures
That You designed for free?

Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice, here’s my life

To You I give my future
As long as it may last
To You I give my present
To You I give my past.

~Jason Upton

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
~Galatians 2:20~

NO SUCH THING

while talking to a friend about the wonders of modern day travel and how transportation now makes the world so small, we thought back to the days of Hudson Taylor and how much faith it would have taken for him to set off to China. my friend made a comment that really made me think. he said, "there was no such thing as a short term mission to Asia." considering that the journey across the ocean was six months in a ship, there definitely weren't short term mission trips. if you were going, you went for good. there was no sort of testing the waters. no thinking that "i'll just be a missionary for a few weeks and come back to my normal life."

before i left for Japan, that's sort of how i was thinking. while i knew that God would change me while i was overseas, i could not anticipate the larger impact it would have on my life. now that i'm back, i realize that i cannot come back to my life as i had left it. God's call for me to be a missionary is a lifelong call. i am His messenger no matter where i go. so what was true for the missionaries of the ages past is also true for me. there is no such thing as a short term mission.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
~Psalm 139:16~

FEEDING FRENZY

i love summer. not just for the hot weather, bright sunshine and long days. i love summer because that's when i get to read and read and read and read and... :>

since coming back, i've started reading Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secrets by Dr. and Mrs. Howard Taylor (Hudson Taylor's son and daughter-in-law). i'm about a quarter of the way through it but it's already been quite inspirational. i'll just leave you with a couple of quotes i found extra helpful.

Hudson Taylor did not start out to impact "millions." He started out to love God, to honor Him, and to share His love with individal sinners who needed so desperately to know Him. Jesus called Taylor (and us) to be "faithful," not "successful." And God added to the increase.

------

Bear not a single care thyself,
One is too much for thee;
The work is Mine, and Mine alone;
Thy work - to rest in Me.

one of my favourites:
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
~Psalm 46:10~

BETWEEN THE PAVEMENT CRACKS

Just to tell you that I love you
Isn't whatyou need to hear right now
Words only last as long as we're talking
But you've drifted away somehow.

Know that I am always with you
Never too far, too far away
When you don't know who you are anymore
That's when you'll hear me say

Let Me walk you home
I will pick your favourite flower
Let Me walk you home
I will show you that you're beautiful
Let Me walk you home
I will hold you close to me
So you can hear my heatbeat
Let Me walk you home.

I'm on the road you walk on
Understanding all of your pain
Let me be the light that guides you
Along every step of the way

I'm there when you stumble
Always reaching out, calling your name
If you would listen to the calm of your heart
That's when you'll hear me say

Let Me walk you home
I will pick your favourite flower
Let Me walk you home
I will show you that you're beautiful
Let Me walk you home
I will hold you close to me
So you can hear my heatbeat
Let Me walk you home.

Let me caress you with the warmth of the sun
And the cool of the breeze
I smile at you through the flowers
And the faces you see
I'll sing through the fountains and streams
And know all of this means I love you
I love you.
~CriticalMass

one thing that stuck me while i was in Japan was the sheer amount of flowers everywhere. many of them i had never seen in Canada. i found so much joy walking around because there was so much colour and beauty. there were flowers of all shapes and sizes - some of the tiny ones were really exquisite! but what was most interesting to me was the fact that there were wildflowers sprouting from between the cracks in the sidewalk.

each time i saw a flower, i would be reminded of God, who loves me so much that He woos me with flowers. if you think about it, God didn't have to make hundreds of flowers individually. He could have easily decided to make one type and left it at that. but because He is the Lover of our souls, He takes the time and care to give us beauty in our world.

Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
~Luke 12:27~

HAPPY DANCE DAY

angels are partying in heaven and i'm dancing along with them! my grandma decided to believe in Jesus while my dad was visiting her in China!!! i'm not only excited because it means she'll be able to spend eternity with God but also because i'll get to actually know her when we're in heaven! you see, here on earth, i've only seen her a total of four times and even so, i haven't been able to communicate with her since she speaks a different dialect of chinese. so i really don't know my grandma. this past january, our family went back to visit her and i was touched by her remarkable intensity yet humility. she's 97 and life's been hard for her, but she's still so generous and giving. wahhhh! i'm so happy we'll have eternity to talk!! THANKS, GOD!!

i know her decision did not come out of the blue because people have been praying for her for a long time. and now, i just keep praying for the rest of my extended family that they would come to know the love of Christ and experience the joy it is to live with Him every day.

In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.
~Luke 15:10~

TREMOURS

an email i received from my mom while i was in Japan:
hi nui nui,
i'm glad to hear that you are ok. i know who makes earthquakes and who makes you.
love,
mom

i thank God for a mother who knows that her job is not to worry about her daughter, but rather to trust in the One who gave her life in the first place.

during our first monday in Yamagata, i experienced my first earthquake. it turned out to be 4-point-something on the richter scale. [correction: it was a 7 on the richter scale, but it was centered in the ocean so we felt it less strongly.] since i'd never been through one before, i found it a fascinating sensation. but what was even more fascinating was the way God used the earthquake to show His sovereignty.

that night, God not only shook the ground, but the hearts of some of the Japanese people as well. some of my teammates were stuck in the subway for two hours, during which they were able to bring joy and peace to the hearts of the people around them by talking to them and playing games. our team in Yamagata was able to share the gospel with a number of students that night. and perhaps the most amusing of all, some of my other teammates had just finished singing "show Your power, O Lord our God!" when the earth literally shook.

having the earth shift beneath your feet is a disconcerting feeling. but what a contrast it is to the steadfast faithfulness of God, whose promises never fail!

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
~Psalm 46:1-3~

TRAIN CROSSING

while our team was heading to Yamagata (a neighbouring city), we passed a train crossing. the bars were down and people were all lined up in their vehicles, waiting for the train to pass and the signals to stop flashing so that they could carry on with the rest of their lives. it seemed like a normal picture to me until i realized something: i was sitting on that train that those people were waiting for! the strangeness of seeing it from the other side was sort of eerie.

i guess that's how it is sometimes with our lives. sometimes, we look at people and pity them for seeming to be stuck where they are in their spiritual journeys. or, we get distressed that people aren't getting closer to Christ. and then God shows us that they're not moving because we're in the way!

anyway, it's a short one today. but trust me, if you're ever in a train and you pass a crossing where people are waiting for you, it's a very weird sensation.

"Woe to you experts in the law, because you have taken away the key to knowledge. You yourselves have not entered, and you have hindered those who were entering."
~Luke 11:52~

LEGACY

being home and slightly anti-social, i've been spending a lot of time chatting with my mom. tonight, she told me all about her side of the family. i was surprised and amazed to find out that my grandfather had lived in japan for a while, that he had been a judge in china and that after the communists took over, he fled to hong kong, where he wrote books teaching people the japanese language. i also found out that my grandfather had actually been sent to japan by china as a group of elite students to study there. and other than japanese, he was also fluent in english, and he studied german and russian. it turns out that my mother's side of the family was intellectually brilliant.

last year, while talking to my father, i learned that my dad's side of the family was very skilled in business. my grandfather on my dad's side owned a huge business in thailand, which my uncles took over.

and then i thought, here were two huge families, both very successful in the worlds' eyes, meeting at my parents, both the youngest of their families, and boiling down to me. while i'm a little overwhelmed and honoured to have such established family histories, it occurred to me that even though i have no super intellect or extreme money (or any money, really), what i possess is far greater than all of their legacy combined. because what i own is spiritual wealth, which is eternal and unfading in glory. my one grandfather's books have all been lost now and my other grandfather's riches will lose its value, but what i have now in Jesus Christ will last forever.

on a side note, finding out about my family's link with the japanese people is amusing because in it, i can trace the finger of God and how He prepared me to go there. my ties with japan began way before i was ever born!

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I honour You enough?
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed You unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
~Nichole Nordeman, Legacy

All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
~Psalm 139:16~

OPEN HAND

praise God, i'm safely home!!! after forty days in Japan and five wonderful days in Vancouver, i finally got to sleep in my own comfy bed last night. :>

yesterday, my mom asked me to describe this trip in one sentence. after thinking about it for a bit, i came up with this: Life with Jesus is an adventure! i'll expand on the idea in future postings, but i'll leave this thought for the time being.

right now, God's main lesson to me is that God doesn't look at what i do for Him, but rather who i am in Him through Jesus Christ. because i believe in Jesus, i have the freedom to be myself before God, weak and broken, just as i am. but on the flip side, because i believe in Jesus, i also have the victory over my sin - because when God looks at me, He sees the perfection of Christ instead of the sinfulness of my own heart! so as i live my life, i do not have to live in fear of anything - whether it be people's opinions, failure or trying circumstances. i can walk in boldness and confidence because i belong to Jesus. a few days ago, i asked God to show me what the gospel meant to me in my life and this is what i've come to understand. so now, as i face a summer of uncertainty (since i have no job yet and many other things are still unsettled), i face it with joy and hope. because what i do is not as important as who i am. and i know Whose i am.

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
~Romans 8:15~

ONE DAY

T-1week until i leave japan... and i finally have time to post something again!

one thing that has struck me while i've been here is the beauty of worshipping with people of other nations. at urbana three years ago, i experienced something like it, but here, in japan, i've been attending a japanese church so everything has been in japanese. learning to sing worship songs like Lord I Lift Your Name On High and I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever in japanese or simply just listening reminded me of just how big our God is. and God has blessed me with opportunities to actually sing as part of joint canadian/japanese worship teams! it's such an awesome feeling that it only makes me thirst for heaven all the more. this morning was our last service at our church and i praise God for the chance to pray with my sisters here before leaving. it gives me comfort knowing that our Father is bigger than cities or countries or continents and that He will take care of each of us no matter where we are in the world. it also gives me much joy knowing that our Sayonara today is not good-bye forever because eternity will be spent in each other and in God's wonderous company in worship!

Oh Lord, please have mercy on the people of the nations who do not know you yet! what glory it will be when people of all tribes and tongues will join together in praises of Your name!

And I, because of their actions and their imaginations, am about to come and gather all nations and tongues, and they will come and see my glory.
~Isaiah 66:18~

WINDY SPIRIT, CALM SOUL

so i'm actually going. wow. i don't know how often (if at all) i will be able to update this blog for the next little while. but i will return june 20.

God has shown me so very much this past week - mostly about my own sinfulness - that i had to walk home from church today. it was really windy, but i'm glad for it. 'cuz somewhere in the wind, i was able to hear my thoughts and God's responses better. He reminded me that He had purposed me for all that happens in my life and He reminded me that above all else that may happen in the world, He loves me beyond compare. so it is with a peace and calm that i sleep now and joy will fill me tomorrow (perhaps not so much when i wake up at 4am... but who knows? ;p )...

Dear God, please bless the friends i leave behind. they have been so good to me. i pray that in six weeks, when i return, we will have God-stories to share about how You've shown Your glory in our small lives on both sides of this planet. in Jesus' sweet name i pray. Amen.

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel...
~Ephesians 6:19~

SAY WHAT?

while my mom and i were driving today, her cell phone rang. since she was driving, i answered it. i heard a voice and then i heard something very faint. since i thought the reception was bad, i just kept saying, "hello? hello?..." not hearing anything, i repeated it again. after about 20 seconds of this, i realized i was talking to a child and she was saying something to me. her mom had put her on the phone to say thank you to my mom for sending her a birthday present! and i had just rudely interrupted her numerous times!

after the phone call, i reflected on how that's just like how i am with God a lot of the time. He's trying to say something to me while i just keep blabbing on and on because i can't hear His voice. and i get indignant because i don't seem to get a response! anywho, that was just a "poke" from God today. ;p

on a side note, if anyone's an earlybird and is crazy enough to come see me off, my flight out on monday is at 7:25am. so i'll be at terminal 3 at 5:30am! honestly, i don't expect anyone 'cuz if i wasn't the one flying, i wouldn't be there either! hahaha...

After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
~1 Kings 19:12-13~

...

packing, packing, packing... don't really want to. but i know i have to... don't know where to begin. hm, maybe doing the laundry would be a good start? ;p never thought i'd have so many mixed feelings and at such intensity. i wonder if this is a common thing for people to experience before leaving on a missions trip? ...dunno. anywho, not much to write today. just one thing that's stuck in my mind for almost a week now. in Chariots of Fire, Eric Liddel explains:

God made me for a purpose - to go to China. But God also made me fast... When I run, I feel His pleasure. Not to run would be to hold Him in contempt.

when i use my hands to make something beautiful, i feel His pleasure. and i pray i don't hold Him in contempt.

"Don't be afraid," the prophet answered. "Those who are with us are more than those who are with them."
And Elisha prayed, "O LORD , open his eyes so he may see." Then the LORD opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.
~2 Kings 6:16-17~

WHAT HAPPENED?

since when did i become such a stressball? since when did life's pressures get to me and steal away my sunshine? since when did the furrow between my brows deepen and establish itself as a frequent feature on my countenance? where did the carefree child run to? why is there a harrowed grown-up living in this mind? why do i not recognize myself?

how do i go back?

Oh Lord, grant me faith like a child!

At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.
~Matthew 11:25~

SNEAK PEEK

from a recent journal entry:

Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"
"Here I am," he replied.

Here I am. Three words, spoken repeatedly by various godly people. Isaiah, Samuel, Abraham, Moses, Jacob... each of them knew where they were when they heard Your call.

So where is "here" for me? "Here" is as a student, a small but determined faith, a single woman, a Chinese-Canadian, a gifted artist, a beloved daughter, a soul struggling with pride and sin... Here is a place where I am redeemed and bought with no less than the very suffering and death of my Lord Jesus Christ. Here is at 22 years, just starting her life. Here is in Toronto, heading to Sendai. Here is a worship leader and fellowship chair. Here is where I have yet to make a journey, yet to discover the full extent of Your love, yet to overcome the challenge of my own ultimate sacrifice. This is here. And here I am.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
~Isaiah 6:8~

POP QUIZ

If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love. For a cupful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted.
~Amy Carmichael, If

My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
~James 3:12~

5 REASONS WHY I'M THANKFUL FOR SARS

yes, i actually have found reasons to be thankful for that which is causing so much grief in our city and our world these days...

reason #1: it shows our human frailty. in this age where people are so confident in science and themselves, a disease like this is humbling and puts perspective back into who we are compared to God.

reason #2: it drives us to unite in prayer. stemming from the first reason, people all over the world have been gathering to pray for God's mercy and intervention.

reason #3: it has raised awareness of sanitation. this is especially beneficial in China/HK where cleanliness was not a priority before. now people know how to wash their hands properly!

reason #4: it has redirected my mission trip. God has used it to take me to Japan, where i have to completely rely on Him!

reason #5: it makes me completely rely on God! from keeping me and my team healthy to helping us reach Japanese students, i have to give it all into His hands. and this lets me know Him deeper. :>

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 [italics mine]~

PARADOX

my prayer, a couple weeks ago, was that God would show me how i could crucify my pride. in that week, it seemed like every scripture i read talked about crucifying the old self so that the new self could have life in Christ. and with the Easter weekend, the topic was imprinted on my mind even further. but i did not know what crucifying the self looked like in real life. i asked God, what do i DO to crucify my sinful nature? how do i get rid of this pride that doesn't seem to go away?

this morning, i realized i received my answer. it's NOT what I DO, but rather what i LET GOD DO. one cannot crucify himself, he must be crucified by another. so my original question, while it seemed to be a humble request, was actually driven by pride! the answer was not within my power, but rather without. i cannot crucify my own sin, i must let God do it. in other words, the answer was HUMILITY - letting God break me and ever seeking to put His will before my own. in this new light, i gained a breakthrough in my own sensitivity to sin. i saw how often i put myself on high ground when i have no right to. and i have come to appreciate more of Christ's actions and attitude as a model for my own. i'm so grateful we have a God who is patient enough to teach us step by step. i know this road is long but oh what joy it will be to face my Maker and present to Him a well-spent life for His glory!

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus...
~Philippians 2:3-5~

COUNTDOWN

two weeks exactly until i turn 22. it seems both old and young at the same time. on one hand, 22 years is a considerable amount of time. i've taught and counselled so many "kids" that i feel like such a mother at times. on the other hand, 22 years is very short. i am only beginning to learn what it is to be an adult. i'm only beginning to see how little i understand about myself, the world and God.

thirteen days until i leave for missions. still don't know where i'm going and who i'm going with. i don't have airplane tickets, don't know what to pack... don't know much, really! but i do know that i'm walking with God and that's enough for me.

lately, i've been finding new gems in the Word.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
~Psalm 139:17-18~
what baffles me is that God would find so much to think about me! like, what is there to think about for so long? anyway, it amazes me that God would think of us so much.

second gem...

...because by one sacrifice he [Jesus] has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.
~Hebrews 10:14~
as believers, ones who have been redeemed by Christ's blood, we are already considered perfect in God's eyes. however, we are still in the process of becoming holy. so holiness and perfection are separate of each other... something to chew on.

All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
~Psalm 139:16~

REALIZATIONS

this is more of a Good Friday entry, but i think it applies to us every day.

i wrote this poem a number of years ago. i just found it again recently and this being Easter and all, I thought I'd share it.

Realizations

I was always told that You died with Your arms stretched out open wide…

But I realize that I just can't believe that's what really happened.

The nails pierced You where a network of nerves and blood vessels collected. You arms and hands must have been gripping intensly, reacting to the excruciating pain.

Pictures of Your death were always clean, tidy and presentable…

But I realize that I can't believe that's what it really looked like.

There must have been blood splattered everywhere on the nails, on the hammer, all over Your body, all over the soldiers and perhaps even on the spectators who came to watch You die. And all that blood would've collected dirt and dust along the way. You didn't have a clean, white loincloth.

The cross decorating our church would have me think that the one You were nailed to was smooth, polished and beautiful…

But I realize that I can't even imagine that that was the way it really was.

Your cross would have been rough and filthy. There would have been many splinters. You'd be in more pain that way because nobody treats "criminals" nicely.

These realizations mean nothing to me though. They are worthless until I realize what Your actions have been telling me…

And now, once again, I see the image of those two wooden beams and I finally hear Your quiet voice, piercing my heart:

"I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you…"

i want to learn to have the faith Jesus had when He gave His life completely into the hands of the Father. i want a faith that in the face of suffering, prays for nothing else but the glory of the Father.

Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last.
~Luke 23:46~

WALKIN' BY FAITH

I'm gonna walk by faith, not by sight
'cause I can't see straight in the broad daylight.
I'm gonna walk by faith, not by fear
'cause I believe in the One who brought me here.

i was just talking to my mom about faith this afternoon when this song came on the radio. i have no clue who wrote it or sang it, but the words reflect my sentiments exactly.

something i've come to realize this year is that much of our sin comes from a lack of faith. pride comes from a lack of faith that God is more powerful than us. fear comes from a lack of faith that God is in control. doubt is from a lack of faith that God keeps His promises. conversely, when we come to God and kneel at the foot of the Cross, all the rest falls away and faith remains. faith is too precious to lose.

what started today's conversation on faith was my mom's comment about the way everything in the world is on such a negative bend recently - the war, SARS, the feeble economy, news of death, news of cancer... the list goes on - and how easy it is for people to give up on life in these times. my answer to her was that it's exactly in these down times that the message of Jesus is more clearly needed. if anything, this Easter, we should celebrate with hearts that are more grateful than ever! we have an everlasting Hope, an unfading Light to walk in, an eternal Friend! and with this knowlege, we should share it all the more.

recently, my own faith has been tested. of the various reasons, the effect of SARS on my missions trip was one of the bigger ones. since the original target city is an affected city, things were really up in the air. my fundraising was going really well and God just didn't seem to be putting a hold on the project so i'd tell anyone who asked that as far as i was concerned, i would still be going on the trip. i refused to let go of my faith that God could bring us through. of course, it figures that they had my email address wrong so i never got the updates until today! but i was right to believe. the project is still happening. and God might be taking us somewhere other than our intended destination!

so yeah, PRAISE GOD for His almighty sovereignty! in the words of my pastor (who's currently facing the fearful possibility of his own child having cancer): GOD is GOOD no matter what!!!

Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.
~John 20:29~

We live by faith, not by sight.
~2 Corinthians 5:7~

FREEDOM

i am still in shock that i made it through third year alive. what's more, i am amazed at the countless blessings God has poured out on me these past eight months. i'm astounded at the sheer amount of undertakings i accomplished (school and otherwise) by His grace. if there's one thing i learned this year (over and over again, might i add) it's that God honours those who honour Him. in everything.

anywho, i read a really good quote today that i just had to share with the world. so here it is:

Teach us, Good Lord, to serve Thee as Thou deservest; to give and not to count the cost; to fight and not to heed the wounds; to toil and not to seek for rest; to labor and not to ask for any reward save that of knowing that we do Thy will. Through Jesus Christ our Lord.
-- St. Ignatius of Loyola --

Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.
~Luke 17:33~

PROCRASTINATIN

my blog is working again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :> hee hee... it's been saying it's publishing but not actually doing anything for the last long while... hence my extended absence. anywho, i checked today and it's up and running again :> alas, i have an exam tomorrow so this has to be short.

missions trip is in T-22 days and God's already taught me so much about what it means to live for Him! aaahhh! i have so much to write but i can't write it all now! so i'll leave u with the number one new lesson for me: going on a missions trip has shown me the way the body of Christ literally "sends" its members out into the world. the process of collecting the funds from my generous brothers and sisters, keeping all the records and writing thank-you cards has impressed on me the weight of what i am doing. when i pack my bags, i am packing with a while community behind me. when i step on the plane, i board with a group of people backing me. when i talk to the people there, i am being an ambassador of not only God Almighty, but my spiritual family around the world. it amazes me, humbles me and makes me just scared enough that i go running into God's reassuring presence. :> anywhos, 'nuff not studying. i'll have plenty of time to write more after tomorrow!!!

So in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
~Romans 12:5~

ON BRICKS AND DONKEYS

A young and successful executive was traveling down a
neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new
Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from
between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he
saw something.

As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a
brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on
the brakes and drove the Jag back to the spot where
the brick had been thrown.

The angry driver then jumped out of the car,
grabbed
the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car
shouting, "What was that all about and who are you?

Just what the heck are
you doing? That's a new car and
that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money.
Why did you do it?"

The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister...
please, I'm sorry...I didn't know what else to do," He
pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else
would stop..." With tears dripping down his face and
off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around
a parked car. "It's my brother," he said. "He rolled
off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't
lift him up."

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive,
"Would you please help me get him back into his
wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."

Moved beyond words, the
driver tried to swallow the
rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly
lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair,
then took out his fancy handkerchief and dabbed at the
fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him
everything was going to be okay.

"Thank you and may God bless you," the
grateful child
told the stranger.

Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy
push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk
toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The
damage was very noticeable, but the driver never
bothered to repair the dented side door.

He kept the dent there to remind him
of this message
"Don't go through life so fast that someone has to
throw a brick at you to get your attention!"

God whispers in our souls and
speaks to our hearts.
Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to
throw a brick at us.

It's our choice.

Then the LORD opened the
donkey's mouth, and she said to Balaam, "What have I done to you to make you
beat me these three times?"
Balaam answered the donkey, "You have made a
fool of me! If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now."
The
donkey said to Balaam, "Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden,
to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?"
"No," he
said.
Then the LORD opened Balaam's eyes, and he saw the angel of the LORD
standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown.

~Numbers 22:28-31~

NOTHING

too. much. work. no. time. to. breathe.
ok fine, no time to sleep, eat, cook, shower, think, write, keep up with the world. so what am i doing then? drafting!!!!!! it never ends.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, [nor busyness nor lack of sleep], nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
~Romans 8:38-39 (italics mine)~

DANCIN' WITH THE ANGELS

today, there is a party in heaven. and we have a new sister in Christ! :> PRAISE GOD!!! it's taken a whole semester of weekly investigative bible studies, but God's word has spoken and one more heart has returned to her Daddy. i'm so happy i would do cartwheels if i could. :> :> :>

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
~2 Timothy 3:16-17~

END OF THE ROPE

Why should I feel discouraged?
Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart feel lonely,
and long for heav'n and home?
When Jesus is my portion,
My constant friend is He.
For His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me.
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me.

i. need. faith.

You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
~Matthew 5:3 [the Message]~

SOMETIMES

...you actually find inspiration while doing research for essays. ok, so it's very rare and only likely to happen if you're in theatre and writing about a theatre company for mentally challenged young people. but still. from the pages of Throw Your Heart Over the Fence by Diane Dupuy:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I will now say grace. Please bow your heads. Heavenly Father, this is the beginning of a new day. God has given us this day to use as we will. We can waste it or use it for good. What we do today is important because we are exchanging a day of our lives for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving in its place something we have traded for it. We want it to be a gain, not a loss, full of good, not evil, success, not failure, so that we shall not regret the price we paid for it. Amen.
or the price He paid for it. Amen.

here's another:

The trouble with this world is that nobody ever thinks they have a handicap, when in fact we all have handicaps to overcome.

finally,

Great spirits always encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.
--Albert Einstein

in this time of chaos, stress and turmoil, it's always good to be re-inspired.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.
~Philippians 4:8~