TRUST

Olive, have you ever had acupuncture before?

looking at my naturopathic doctor, i emphatically shake my head, NO!

she looks at me, are you scared?

i emphatically nod my head, YES!

do you trust me?

how could i not trust her? we've grown up together.

so ten minutes later, i'm lying on my back with needles poking out from various points of my body. unexpected and weird, to be sure. but thankfully, not painful.

my first experience with acupuncture. and that was only a number of days ago. but as i was lying there, i got to thinking about her question, do you trust me? and i thought about how important it is to have trust. it's not only important in things like acupuncture where someone else is inserting needles into your body, but it's also important in friendships, where you have to take risks in opening yourself up to another. trust is also a key thing when it comes to our relationship with God. will i trust Him with where He's taking me? will i trust Him with what He's asking me to do? sometimes, the experiences He brings me through feel as awkward and odd as having needles poking out of my skin, but despite what i see, will i trust Him?

that, i guess, is what faith is all about.

But when I am afraid, I will trust in You.
~Psalm 56:3~

SEE THE MORNING

there are two reasons why i love the new Chris Tomlin CD. the first, is that it's a great CD both musically and lyrically. the second is because it carries much meaning in my life at this point. allow me to explain...

last year, my time overseas was THE hardest year i've experienced so far in this short quarter-century of life. ministry was slow, my health wasn't the greatest and emotionally, it was a dark dark time. God was using that year to refine me and uproot some deep things in my life - a process that was very painful.

then i came back to Toronto.

and the blessings started to pour.

not only was ministry going well, progress was happening (slowly) on the health front and God was giving me opportunities to witness to several of my friends. as if that wasn't enough, God moved a dear friend and godly man to pursue me. See The Morning was a gift from Tim to me a few days before he took the plunge and invited me into the adventure of courtship(!) [i said yes, btw :) read here for Tim's exciting re-telling of the story]

there are many remarkable things about what's happening in my life right now. but most of all, i'm amazed and comforted by the truth that our God is just as loving, faithful and worthy of praise in the dark nights as He is when the morning dawns.

...weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
~Psalm 30:5~

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
~Lamentations 3:22-23~

F I Z Z L E . . .

so i woke up this morning with a huge headache and a dull aching pain throughout my body. this is what happens when i push myself too hard. God, in His loving grace inflicts me with something that keeps me home, makes me cancel all appointments and causes me to sleep and sleep and sleep.

a wise friend exhorted me to read Hebrews 4 today - a chapter on entering God's place of rest. oh so convicting. i feel like He's put me back in the right place by His word. i don't want to be like the Israelites who refused to live by faith and thus forfeited the rest that He offered. i want to take hold of God's invitation to rest Today! and i'm so thankful for Jesus, my High Priest, who knew what it was to face the temptation to rely on his own strength rather than live in surrender to the Father.

i know that what i really need to do is allow God to expose the cause of my drivenness. why is it that i feel like i have to run myself dry all the time? who am i trying to please? whose standards am i trying to live up to? what lies am i believing about myself? about God? oh Lord, please set me free.

i also realize how reluctant i am to face my limitations - not only to face them, but to embrace them. God has not wired me to meet people 6 days a week and still thrive. i need to hermit a lot more than i want to accept about myself. and so i ask God to show me how He'd have me serve His people. and i ask Him to show me how to love myself as He does.

i want to have a heart at rest. a heart of faith.

So there is a special rest still waiting for the people of God. For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world. So let us do our best to enter that rest. But if we disobey God, as the people of Israel did, we will fall.
~Hebrews 4:9-11[NLT]~