WISHING FOR HEAVEN

when i was younger, i'd go into this little pit of loneliness after a weekend church retreat, simply because i'd go from being surrounded by friends to being home alone with my parents. for some reason, i've hit that funk mood again. maybe it's 'cuz this summer has been so good. maybe it's 'cuz i know once school starts, the hanging out will dwindle to almost non-existence. maybe it's 'cuz i'm home alone tonight and everyone else is either out with friends or on vacation. in any case, it brings me back to my struggle to be content. it seems like no matter how much i am determined or how much i desire to be satisfied with Christ, i still have this nagging void. i wish for certain friendships, but i know that even if i were to have them, i would still feel the emptiness. it saddens me.

this world is not my home.

Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.
2 Corinthians 5:6-9

post script:
while searching the keyword "home" on the bible online, i came across a most disturbing verse:

When he reached home, he took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve parts and sent them into all the areas of Israel.
Judges 19:29

if you read chapters 19-21, it traces the story behind the verse and the repercussions of the incident. the conclusion comes in the last verse of chapter 21:

In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit.
Judges 21:25

sorta reminds me of some other time in history...