THE SECRET MILLIONAIRE

I don't watch TV often, but the other night, I caught an interesting show called The Secret Millionaire. Over the course of an hour (with too many commercials for it to feel like a worthwhile use of my time), the show followed a wealthy businessman and his son as they left their cushy lives and lived on a welfare allowance among the poor for a week. Their goal was to find out who needed it the most and give away at least $100,000 of their own money.

After it was over, it occurred to me that I had just watched a short term mission trip of sorts. And then I realized, that's a scaled down version of what Jesus did. He left His life of security and glory in order to know what it was like to live among the poor. But He gave away much more than money. He gave us His life.

From prison and trial they led him away to his death. But who among the people realized that he was dying for their sins - that he was suffering their punishment?

~ Isaiah 53:8 ~

LANDING SOFTLY

I realized recently that many in my community of friends are weary jet setters who are so used to the transient life that they are having a hard time "landing." In one humourous conversation with two of my friends who'd just returned to Canada, one of them said she had a hard time grasping the idea that she had just signed up for a 3 year phone contract. My other friend piped in and said, "Yeah, I just signed a four year car lease!" I looked at both of them and said, "I know. I just got married."

IT'S OVER MY HEAD

Last night, Tim and I watched The Devil Wears Prada. I see similarities between myself and Andy, the main character who cared nothing about fashion yet found herself working for one of the biggest personalities in the fashion industry.

I have a husband, a home and a secure place of work. And I live in a beautiful city with many good friends. While many people I know have asked for this kind of life, I never did. I honestly wasn't chasing after this life. Sure, deep down I longed for it. But I was expecting something completely opposite to this, actually. Just over two short years ago, I was gearing up for a future of singleness, moving around and much transition. And I thought I would be living in pollution central.

God has a funny way of interrupting my plans. I realize that I often expect the worst of Him. As if it wouldn't be right if He gave me a life that met my needs. As if I should only think that the hardest path for me to take would be the one He would pick out for me. I subscribe too much to the "deny myself" camp without really believing that Jesus loves me.

I forget His grace.

What puzzles me is why someone like me who wasn't even looking for these things, gets them, while so many others keep wishing.

The answer to that, I suppose, is also His grace.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

~ Matthew 6:33 ~

NEW RHYTHM PLEASE?

I don't know if anyone is even reading this blog anymore. My posts have been very slow as of late. The interesting thing is, it doesn't concern me anymore whether anyone reads.

Now that my wedding is over and I'm relatively settled, I want to write again. I miss my times of thinking and gaining new insights.

I'm longing for a new rhythm for my days. I feel like I've been living on the surface for too long and I want to go deep again.

LESSONS FROM NATURE

The reason the vine and its branches are such a true parable of the Christian life is that all nature has one source and breathes one air. The plant world was created to be to man an object lesson teaching him his entire dependence upon God and his security in that dependence. He who clothes the lilies will much more clothe us. He who gives the trees and the vines their beauty and their fruits, making each what He meant it to be, will much more certainly make us what He would have us be. The only difference is that what God works in the trees is by a power of which they are not conscious. He wants to work in us with our consent. This is the nobility of man, that he has a will that can cooperate with God in understanding an approving and accepting what He offers to do.
~Andrew Murray, The True Vine

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

~John 15:4~

PRAYERS UNSPOKEN

I'm amazed at the grace God extends to me.

I had been wanting to meet up with someone today - no person in particular, just any friend - but my attempts in contacting my friends weren't successful. I didn't even want to talk to God about it because I felt like He'd already given me so much and I'd just be like a whiny kid pestering Him. So I resigned myself to a day at home by myself. Then I get a call this afternoon from a friend who happened to take the wrong bus and stopped right downstairs of my place. Of course, I invited her up and we had a good time reconnecting. I told her about how she was an answer to an unspoken prayer.

Which reminds me, another unspoken prayer that God seems to have answered is connecting us with a wedding photographer in Vancouver. We're meeting on Friday - so we'll see how that goes!

It seems like there are all these needs and wants I have on my heart that God's beat me to. It feels a little weird - as if He can read my mind... oh wait, He can.

Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
~Psalm 139:4~

FASHION SENSE

I woke up this morning with a feeling of anxiety. Actually, back track a little: I went to sleep last night worried. And when I woke up, I carried a huge weight of responsibility for certain things I hoped would happen today (but really weren't in my control).

As I chatted with the Lord, the conversation went something like this:

Jesus: Olive, what are you wearing?
Me: Worry.
Jesus: Who dressed you this morning?
Me: Um, I did.

I paused and looked down at myself. I suddenly saw how ugly and unflattering that garment was.

"Hmm," I said, "I think Your sense of fashion is a lot better than mine. Why don't you choose something for me to wear today?"

And with a twinkle in His eye, He smiled, "I'd be delighted to."

Since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love.
~Colossians 3:12, 14~

THE COOKIE PRINCIPLE

A young girl explains the world to her newborn brother.

I'm your 5-year-old sister, Lori, and you're my baby brother, Alex. Since you're only 2 weeks old, I'm going to 'splain life, 'cause it's not easy for you. I know. I was young once, too.

Grown-ups can't make up their minds. First they want one thing and then another. I know what I want. I want a cookie, but Mommy said, "No, how about a banana?" She said a cookie will ruin my appetite for supper. I don't want supper. Supper ruins my appetite for a cookie. And I don't want a banana. I want a cookie.

You see, grown-ups are always trying to get us to do stuf we don't want to do. If there's a TV show I want to watch, Mommy tries to get me to color or play a game. By the time I get to be a grown-up, I won't know what I want anymore.

But kids know what they want. Do we want to go to bed? No. Do we want a cookie? Yes. When was the last time somebody asked kids if they wanted to do something and the kids said, "We don't know"?

I kinda feel sorry for Mommy and Daddy. They can't help it. They're grown-ups. They can't decide whether to leave the toilet seat up or down. Daddy wants it up. Mommy wants it down. They were talking real loud about it today. I asked them why they were arguing. Daddy said they weren't arguing. He said they were discussing. After they were done, I snuck in the bathroom. I put the toilet seat back up so I could hear them discuss it again.

Mommy can't decide what to fix for dinner. I told her to fix cookies. She said no. In the morning, she can't decide what to wear. Daddy asked her what she want to do Saturday. She said she doesn't know.

Daddy is just as bad. Each night he grows whiskers, but in the morning he changes his mind and shaves them off. Then he sits in his chair with his 'mote control and changes channels all the time. Daddy's been a grown-up for too long; he doesn't know what to watch. I bet when he was a kid he wanted a cookie real bad but his parents made him eat different foods like bananas and stuff.

He doesn't even know which job he should do. He is thinking about changing jobs, but it's hard for him to decide. So Daddy listened to a tape. The man on the tape said people who are 'cessful figure out what they want and go after it. In that case, I'm going to be real 'cessful, 'cause I really want a cookie.

When the tape was over, Mommy was nice. She talked real sweet to Daddy and asked him which job he really wanted. Daddy was sad. He shook his head and said he didn't know. So Mommy hugged him. I hugged him, too, and I gave him a cookie.

- By Robert Currie (From Focus on the Family magazine, March 2001)

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
~Matthew 18:3~

WAVES

Tides of surf roll on the sand
Wipes the marks of many hands
Thus the one thing that survives
Bears the truth of many tries

Sand does not give way to waves
Only through the day to day
Steady workings of the wave
Only then are beaches made

Visible this work is not
Trades these waves are never taught
God's the only one who sees
Him alone our waves should please

~Author Unknown

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

~Galatians 1:10~

TELL ME, DO YOU KNOW LOVE?

Out of all the heartwrenching stories I've heard so far about the survivors of the China earthquake, this one touches me the most. I actually didn't see the photo myself, but my mom told me about it and even in my mind's eye, it's a devestatingly beautiful picture.

Apparently, in one of the rescue efforts, workers found a baby still alive in his mother's lap. The mother had used her body as a shelter to ward off the falling bricks and pieces of debris. In the process, she lost her life. But her baby lived. And somehow, before life slipped away from her, she'd managed to scribble out a note. On a scrap of paper, she'd written, "Son, if someone finds you and you're alive, please know that your mother loves you very much."

I can't even begin to imagine the magnitude and impact this one note will have on the life of this child. I would think that every day of his life would be shaped by the knowledge that his mother gave up her life for him.

And I marvel: if this is what human love is capable of, how much greater is the love of God our Father, who gave His Son for us?

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
~Matthew 7:11~

(IN)FINITE

We are finite, God is infinite.
Our sins are finite, God's grace is
infinite.

~ Bruxy Cavey

It's so comforting and encouraging to know that there is a limit to the sins, mistakes and failures we can make in one lifetime. And that in contrast, God's grace is limitless.

(On a tangent, did you know that the word "forgiveness" is only mentioned once in the Old Testament? That's the difference Christ makes.)

But with You there is forgiveness; therefore You are feared.
~ Psalm 130:4 ~

I THINK I JUST BROKE MY OWN HEART

I really detest moving. Maybe it's because I'm a deep feeler or a sentimental sap, but letting go of familiar people and things is just really difficult for me.

After lunch today, I decided it was time to take some photos of my set design models (otherwise known as maquettes) and say good-bye to them. So I went downstairs to the basement, retrieved them from their dusty little corner and brought them up into the light where I could get some good pictures of them. Being satisfied with the pictures I took, I went ahead and cleared the set pieces off the "stages" and started ripping apart the walls of the boxes.

I had four of them in total - pretty much all that I had to show for my four years in university. Two of them were particularly well done with lots of minute detail painstakingly formed and painted. One was my graduating project; my thesis, if you will. Hours and hours of time had gone into them. And in a matter of minutes, they'd become a pile of bent foamcore, paper, dried glue and paint.

It wasn't until I threw the last piece into the garbage bag that I was suddenly horrified by what I had done: I had just destroyed my own creation. Grief had never felt that sharp to me as it did in that moment. It was as if my theatre dream died along with those models.

I know maquettes are really minor things in light of eternity. But I really wonder whether God feels that kind of grief when He watches thousands upon thousands of people die, or millions of souls heading to destruction. Perhaps that's why He made the promise to Noah that He would never flood the entire earth again - it's just too painful to destroy one's own work.

And going through this experience, I have greater compassion for those whose homes were demolished by the earthquake and cyclone. How deep their sense of loss must be.

But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand.
~Psalm 10:14a~

DARING TO DREAM AGAIN

Tim: I think you need some inspiration, Olive. To help you dream again.

Me: Yeah... I dunno. I think I'm afraid to dream. Because I feel like all my past dreams have been laid aside. Like what's the point of dreaming yet another dream if it doesn't come to fruition?

Tim: So do you feel like you've had a choice in it, or that God has taken your dreams away?

Me: Well, I feel like I've been convinced by God of a dream and then He's presented a better choice, so I've chosen to go with that. It's weird I know, like I'm grieving the loss of something even though what I have is better.

[More dialogue. Tears.]

Me: You know, I feel like somehow because these dreams haven't come true, I've failed God. Like I've left some unfinished task on the to-do list.

Tim: You see these dreams as a to-do list?!?!

Me: Yeah, I do. And I think, why go dream another dream when I have these half-started ones yet incomplete?

Tim: Well, you don't seem to have a problem with leaving books unfinished. You've always got several on the go.

Me: Hmmm...

Tim: So maybe it's the same with these dreams. You can have several pages read now and then you might come back to it later. God knows you have a high need for change, so He's helping you meet that need.

Me: =)

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
~Ephesians 3:20-21~

MINIATURE MESSENGERS

Exerpted from No Wonder They Call Him Saviour - by Max Lucado.

Before we bid good-bye to those present at the cross, I have one more introduction to make. This introduction is very special.

There was one group in attendance that day [of the crucifixion] whose role was critical. They didn't speak much, but they were there. Few noticed them, but that's not surprising. Their very nature is so silent they are often overlooked. In fact, the gospel writers scarcely game them a reference. But we know they were there. They had to be. They had a job to do.

Yes, this representation did much more than witness hte divine drama; they expressed it. They captured it. They displayed the despair of Peter; they betrayed the guilt of Pilate and unveiled the anguish of Judas. They transmitted John's confusion and translated Mary's compassion.

Their prime role, however, was with that of the Messiah. With utter delicacy and tenderness, they offered relief to his pain and expression to his yearning.

Who am I describing? You may be surprised.

Tears.

Those tiny drops of humanity. Those round, wet balls of fluid that tumble from our eyes, creep down our cheeks and splash on the floor of our hearts. They were there thay day. They are always present at such times. They should be, that's their job. They are miniature messengers; on call twenty-four hours a day to substitute for crippled words. They drip, drop and pour from the corners of our souls, carrying with them the deepest emotions we possess. They tumble down our faces with announcements that range from the most blissful joy to darkest despair.

The principle is simple; when words are most empty, tears are most apt.

A tearstain on a letter says much more than the sum of all its words. A tear falling on a casket says what a spoken farewell never could. What summons a mother's compassion and concern more quickly than a tear on a child's cheek? What gives more support than a sympathetic tear on the face of a friend?

Words failed the day the Saviour was slain. They failed miserably. What words could have been uttered? What phrases could have possibly expressed the feelings of those involved?

That task, my friend, was left for the tears.

You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

You have recorded each one in your book.

~ Psalm 56:8 [NLT] ~

GRIEF AND MOURNING

I learned something new today: grief is not the same as mourning.

Grief is a sudden wave of sadness. To paraphrase C.S. Lewis, you can be walking along, turn the corner, and run smack into it.

Mourning, on the other hand, is like a garment that your soul wears. It's understated but constantly there. And once in a while, you catch glimpses of it.

Sometimes, I wake up these days and feel blue for seemingly no reason. Since I'm just over a month away from moving from the city I've called "home" for my whole 27 years on earth so far, my counselor says my soul is in mourning. And those mornings when I wake up and feel blue, I catch a glimpse of my soul that's been mourning throughout the night.

My counselor also said that grief and mourning are actually invitations to life. I'm not completely sure what that means, but I know Jesus, who is Life, promised comfort for those who mourn.

You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
~Matthew 5:4 [MSG]~

MY FATHER'S KITCHEN

A recent image that has given me strength is a picture of a banquet table, laden with lots of dishes, platters and bowls. They're filled to overflowing, but not with food. In one vessel, there is "joy", in another, "peace". Another plate has a heap of "strength," another dish has "perspective" and so on.

God is the Dad who has prepared this lavish meal and has called me down to eat with a hearty "sik fan la!" (for those who don't know cantonese, that's like "dinnertime!") I'm free to come and take whatever I need whenever I feel "hungry." I can also come rummage through His kitchen at any time of the day or night. Or if I have friends over, I can feel free to feed them too. This image has been a wonderfully uplifting reminder to me that I have all the resources I need to cope with whatever I'm feeling or facing in the moment. His grace truly IS sufficient.

Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
~Isaiah 55:2~

THIS ADDICT IS CHECKING INTO REHAB

That's right, I'm a closet addict and I'm coming clean now. It might not be the kind of addiction you're used to hearing about, but it's sapping the life out of me and I need to get out.

I'm an approval addict.

God has exposed this stronghold in my heart and I'm going into a period of rehabilitation. I've been using my writing, my blogs, my updates and newsletters as a secret way of feeding this addiction. I've been trying to satisfy my cravings with praises of people when only the opinion of Lord Himself matters.

This idolatry has to stop.

So I'm going cold turkey until my heart is free from the need to build my worth upon people's opinions about me.

Thanks for sticking with me this far. I have hope that I will be back blogging again someday. I really do love writing and seeing God use it to bless. In the meantime, if God brings me to your mind, please say a prayer for me. I know God will use this time of silence for the good of all of us.

There is a time for everything,
And a season for every activity under heaven.
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
~Ecclesiastes 3:1,7~

THE WEBCAM ANALOGY

Having spent at least 2/3rds of our courtship so far being long-distance, Tim and I have rather enjoyed the wonderful invention of the webcam. Not only do we get to talk to each other (and for free, too, thanks to another wonderful invention called Skype), we get to see each other while we talk. It's as if all those miles and timezones between us melt away.

Almost.

The rare occasions when we've gotten to see each other in person, we realize how much richer the experience is when we're face-to-face, not separated by a screen. We appreciate the other person's being and presence to a fuller extent.

I often think about this and relate it to the passage in 1 Corinthians where Paul talks about seeing God face-to-face. How absolutely glorious it will be when we get to stand in His real and actual presence! How delightful it will be to begin to fully appreciate the fullness of Who He is!

So, if I may paraphrase this passage in today's language, it would be...

Now we see but a fuzzy time-delayed image as over a webcam; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
~1 Corinthians 13:12 [Olive's paraphrase]

WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'VE FORGOTTEN

You know when you've truly forgiven and you're ready to "forget what lies behind" when you can talk about it.
~Pastor Mark Driscoll

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
~Philippans 3:13-14~

LUCKY ME

Last week I had a dream about receiving a red pocket for Chinese New Year (yah, I enjoy getting money ;p)... In my dream, no matter how many times I tried to count how much was in it, I couldn't get my numbers straight. It didn't matter which bill I started to count with, I would get lost partway through and I'd have to start over. In the end, I gave up trying to know how much was in that red pocket.

I think this is a picture of the blessings God gives us. I cannot quantify them, no matter how much I try to count them! And sometimes, His blessings don't appear to be blessings so I miscount.

I also think this dream is symbolic of trying to predict or figure God out. It simply cannot be done.

In the end, my response to God can only be to receive His gifts and His person with gratitude. Because I'm luckier than I'll ever know.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
~Ephesians 3:20-21~

NOT GIVING UP, ESPECIALLY NOW

I've been told (and I have seen) that it's very common for people who come back from serving overseas to have a difficult time re-adjusting to church in North America. Personally, I find it true of myself. In a sense, I'm glad for this difficulty because it's forcing me to examine my beliefs about church and dig into the Word - instead of just going with what I've been brought up to accept as truth.

I have a theory as to why overseas missionaries (perhaps those in closed countries in particular) have a difficult time with the re-adjustment. I think it has to do with the depth of fellowship Christians share when they're "on the field." God is very much a part of every part of life. And transparency between fellow believers is a gift readily given and received. From talking about Biblical questions to bowel movements, there is a level of closeness that is reminiscent of family.

Since being back, I've been attending Sunday services regularly, but I find that that's not where church is for me. It's during the week, in my conversations with friends as we connect in the deeper places of the heart, that's where my soul knows I am part of a larger body and Christ's love is intersecting with life. It is in those moments that my heart is brought to a place of reverence and awe of God - a spontaneous place of worship that comes from somewhere deep within.

And so I have questions. What is the role of the church now? In an age where quality Biblical teaching can be downloaded and listened to any day and worship music is readily available, why do we still gather? If we claim to gather for fellowship and corporate worship but we aren't willing to be open with each other and wrestle together through the tough and dirty stuff, what's the point? What would it take for a congregation to truly take on characteristics of being a family and go beyond Sunday morning pleasantries?

I'm searching for answers. And I have a suspicion I'm not the only one.

And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God’s house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water.
Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

~Hebrews 10:21-25[NLT]~

NOT EVEN A PENNY OF HELP

I'm not sure why, but the recent violence in Kenya has touched a tender spot in my heart. Perhaps it's all the unnecessary killings and seeing the futility of trying to use violence to bring about change. I don't know. But I read the news and my heart weeps as I imagine all the displaced people who are living in such terror day and night. All that chaos with no where to turn.

And I'm halfway around the world enjoying my comfortable home and stable life.

I went on the Canadian Food for the Hungry site to see if there was anything I could do to bring Christ's love and presence to these people. According to the site, there are an estimated 250,000 people who are displaced because of this turmoil. That means, to help each person with only a dollar, that would be $250,000.

Sigh. I'm sad that I cannot even give 1 cent of help to each person. But I can trust that what I can give, the Lord has accepted and blessed.

You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.”
~2 Corinthians 9:7~

SINGLENESS, MARRIAGE, AND HOLINESS

For as long as I can remember, I'd wanted to be a wife and a mother. On my sixteenth birthday, I asked God for a boyfriend (seeing as that was the logical first step toward attaining my heart's desire). In His grace, He let that request wait for another 9 years. In those years of waiting and hoping, I grew in my experience of God's personal presence and gained a deepened passion for sharing Christ with others. I let my dream of marriage lie dormant and decided to focus my energies on growing in my walk with God and serving people. Afterall, thinking about my struggle with singleness was rather painful and seemed counter-productive. Didn't Paul say that those who are single can focus themselves more fully on serving the Lord?

What I didn't realize was that I was slowly adopting a belief that singleness was somehow holier than being married; especially since it looked like God was heading me in the direction of full-time vocational overseas ministry and frankly, that limited even further my already slim chances of getting married (or so I thought). In a way, attaching holiness to singleness was a sort of consolation for my aching heart. But even in history, we see the tradition of monks and nuns renouncing marriage to devote themselves to the Lord in celibacy. And those who are married, we admire for their contributions to the Kingdom despite being married.

God began challenging this belief when Tim and I started courting. And reading Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas the last couple days has challenged me further. This book has helped me understand that marriage is another vehicle God uses to shape His character into our lives. That it isn't holier either way - remaining single or getting married. Serving the Lord by caring for a husband, doing dishes and laundry and other everyday tasks is just as precious to Him as serving Him by staying unmarried and going to the ends of the earth preaching the gospel. What matters is we become more like Him.

Holiness is something God wants to shape in us regardless of our circumstances. And in some ways, being married requires harder work and more selflessness. Living through the ups and downs of life while continuously seeking to love another requires commitment and humility. (I write these things as observations I've gathered from reading, but it makes sense to me.)

I remember once meeting a woman of God who had just decided to come back from the mission field so that she could get married. I couldn't understand then why she would choose that. I think I'm starting to see it now.

My purpose in writing is to...assure you that the grace of God is with you no matter what happens.
~1 Peter 5:12~

SOLID ROCK::ROCK SOLID

Thinking about direction in life, Tim often reminds me that it's not about what we want to do or accomplish in life, but who we want to become. He told me about a conversation recently where he realized that what we build our lives around a) we need to be intentional about and b) really make a difference later in life.

We need to be intentional: Each of us is born into an environment where a certain set of values is passed on to us. As we mature into adults, we have a choice – to keep those values by default or to think them through and come up with our own. If we are not carefully intentional about it, we will end up drifting through life and passively allowing values which are not necessarily our own to shape us. None of us lives without values in place. It’s just whether or not we’re conscious of them.

The second idea is linked to the first. If, for example, the value of work is passed on and a person adopts it as their own (either consciously or unconsciously) and centers their lives upon work, when they retire, their whole world needs to be reoriented. This then becomes a rather disorienting experience. (This can also apply to family, health, wealth, etc.) If, on the other hand, a person carefully thinks through their life priorities and centers their lives on becoming a person with certain characteristics, or knowing or loving God to their best ability, even when life circumstances change, they do not need to reorient their lives.

With this in mind, I have been thinking about who I want to become. I’ve come up with two qualities so far:
1. To be an obedient child of God: one whose heart is acutely attuned and responsive to Him.
2. To be a person of grace: one who lives freely in the grace of Christ and extends it to others.

I suspect there will be more qualities to come, but we’ll start from here. ;)

I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.
~Luke 6:47-49~

A CURIOUS REALITY

Olive, for an introvert, you sure know a lot of people. Why is that?

Um... good question.

I really think that all the people I know have been placed into my life by God. I'm not one for big parties, intentional networking or lots of socializing, so it is at least a small mystery as to how I've gotten connected to so many people.

I see my friendships as a collection of sorts. It's like each time I meet a new friend, a little space in my heart is created for them. And each new place I go to, my heart gathers some new friends. I can't explain why people are so dear to me, but they are.

I guess I'm a people-loving introvert. :D They tend to drain me, but I love them so! This, I'm sure, is also a work of God.

For the Lord takes delight in his people.
~Psalm 149:4~

HOPE FOR THE DARK TIMES

Let him who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD
and rely on his God.
But now, all you who light fires
and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires
and the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you will receive from my hand:
You will lie down in torment.
~Isaiah 50:10b-11~

Flipping through some old journals last night, I came across this entry. It was written at a height of my struggle with singleness but in re-reading it, I think the truths embedded are applicable to other times of "darkness" as well. It came as a response to the above passage. I pray this will encourage you.

I picture myself in a cave. My eyes are open yet I see nothing. It's pitch dark. I hear a voice though. A gentle, inviting voice; confident and firm. A familiar voice. Recognition of the voice makes my heart leap and a smile break across my face. No one can see it, of course, because it's so dark. I turn and face the voice. "Reach out and hold my hand," He says. Where is your hand? I wonder. I stretch out my hand and instantly, it is wrapped in warmth. How wonderful! I am not alone in here! What's more, the One who holds my hand knows the way out - afterall, He did make this place.

I'm tempted to ask Him for some light so that I can make sure I don't slip. But I realize, it's dark for a reason. He does not want me to see what's in here. He wants to know I trust Him. Though I can't see myself, I know He can see me. He's promised not to let my foot slip. So we walk.

At times, it feels like we're going up. At times, it feels like we're going down. There are no clues about where I am or how much longer this journey will be. Once in a while, when the terrain gets too rough, He scoops me up and carries me.

There are other voices in the cave with us. Voices that taunt me, voices that scare me.
"Why can't you just get your own light and navigate your own way?"
"He's taking you the long route, you know."
"You're so pathetic."
"He doesn't really care for you."
"How are you so sure he's leading you out of here?"
"You are such a fool."
"You'll never make it. You're gonna die in here."
I have no clue how these other voices know who I am but sometimes, what they say starts getting to me. He knows this. So when those times come, He gently squeezes my hand to remind me Who I'm walking with. Sometimes, instead of squeezing my hand, He'll start singing. And pretty soon, His rich melodious voice drowns out (and silences?) all those other voices.

He does not tell me where we are going. Only that it will be good. As we walk, I imagine it to be like a meadow. Wide open sky, wild flowers all around, birds singing as they flit from tree to tree. And grass. Soft, lush, green grass...

"Pay attention now," He says. I snap out of my reverie. He's taking this opportunity to teach me things as we walk. Things about Himself, things about this world, thing about me and the rest of humanity. As I listen, I realize I still have much growing up to do. I guess I'm ok with that.

One day, we enter a place where there is light! It's not as bright as I had imagined. "The full sunshine is still up ahead," He tells me. He knows what I'm thinking. Even so, I'm delighted. He's brought me through the darkness!

I look around and see a friend. I'm not sure if I've really met him before, but I know he's my friend. He sees me, too. He walks over to me with a big grin. "Where have you been?" he asks. He's been waiting for me. I explain. I tell him about the cave and the One who lead me through it, the awful voices and the lessons I learned. "Hey, I've been there too!" my friend chimes in. Excited, we share our stories.

Suddenly, we realize Someone is watching us. Full of joy, we turn to Him. Can we walk the rest of the way together? Yes, of course, He replies. That's why I brought you here.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
~Proverbs 3:5-6~

PROMISE FOR THE NEW YEAR

The Word for today in Streams in the Desert is from Deuteronomy 11:10-12:

For the land, into which you are entering to possess it, is not like the land of Egypt from which you came, where you used to sow your seed and water it with your foot like a vegetable garden. But the land into which you are about to cross to possess it, a land of hills and valleys, drinks water from the rain of heaven, a land for which the LORD your God cares; the eyes of the LORD your God are always on it, from the beginning even to the end of the year.[NASB]

This first day of the new year, we stand on the threshold to another 365 days that lie ahead of us. To me, this passage speaks truth about my life. The land I came from was a land of self-effort. It was a small land, a garden patch. The land I am about to possess is a land of hills and valleys - a vast expanse of discovery, joys and sorrows. It is a land that is cared for by the LORD Himself. I look forward in anticipation to possessing this land that offers me a fullness and richness that I could not come about by my own work.

I read this verse to my mom tonight and she asked the question, "Are you ready?" Ready for what? I wondered. "A lot of people aren't ready for hills and valleys." I don't feel unready. I am confident because I know God will only lead me there when I'm ready and that when that time comes, He will go with me.

Bring on 2008!

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.
~Psalm 139:16~