KINDERGARTEN REVISITED

when i was a small child, my mom taught me how to read and write chinese. after a while, i got too busy and too disinterested in learning the language so my chinese books sat in a drawer and collected dust. later, those books were packed into a box and hauled down into a corner of the basement. there they remained.

until yesterday.

i guess one of the benefits of being a pack rat is that you have stuff when you need it. now that i'm preparing to head to China, i suddenly realize that knowing how to read and write is actually a very good thing. mind you, it's a lot more difficult to learn everything now, but it gives me hope knowing that countless people who have no chinese background have learned mandarin. and so i set off on this new adventure. starting with book 1: kindergarten.

Let us discern for ourselves what is right;
let us learn together what is good.
~Job 34:4~

JOLT

once in a while, you'll hear about something that shakes the core of who you are and makes you rethink your life. this afternoon, my friend told me about his friend from another country who'd been attacked while leaving her campus one night, knocked unconscious and subsequently had to have an abortion. what's more, these horrifying events were only part of all the pain she's been through.

the only image in my mind after hearing about her was a limp, broken rag doll. my heart shattered when i saw the extreme brokenness that this girl was experiencing and i realized brokenness surrounds us daily. why has God chosen to protect me with His grace? why has He chosen to spare me from the dangers that devour so many people around me? i will never know the mind of God but i do know that i will thank Him for the life i do have and i will be ever more fervent in spending my days here on earth bringing His love to the hurting, sick and lost (which is really every person i'll ever meet).

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved.
~Ephesians 2:4-5~

HUMOUR IN THE HOUSE

[parents sitting in the family room, Dad mindlessly flipping channels]

[enter Olive with her dinner]

Mom: Have a seat!

[Olive sits]

[all eyes turn to the TV]

Ols: Um, Dad, can we watch something else?
Dad: Why?
Ols: It's a show about snakes.
Mom: And she's eating.
Dad: Oh.

[Dad flips to another channel]

[pause]

[Mom and Ols burst out laughing]

Dad: What?
Mom [still laughing]: Read the program title!

[On screen: Top Ten Toilets In Vegas]

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter
and your lips with shouts of joy.
~Job 8:21~

DAWN

Dear God,

Every morning when I wake up, my hands are tightly clenched around my life. Then, You gently pry them open, one finger at a time. First You have me let go of my worries - the everyday logistics of things that need to be sorted out. Then, I let go of my selfish wants. I let go of the lies in my head that tell me I must earn Your love. I release my past failures. And my fears of the future. Now there is nothing in the palm of my left hand.

Releasing my right hand, I let go of my personal dreams and plans. I give you my relationships with friends. I hand over my relationship with my parents. Then, I give You the doubts that invade my mind. Finally, as the last finger is uncurled, I let my pride go.

At last, I am free. I am simply me, open to receiving all the lessons, challenges and blessings You desire for me. And I am secure because I know I was Your idea in the first place.

Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for GOD's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.
~Proverbs 3:5-6 [Message]~

LEARNING FROM CHILDREN

ABOUT FAITH
yesterday, my pastor told us about a game his one-year-old daughter made up. she'll be happily playing in the room with her daddy when all of a sudden, he'll look around and find that she's not there anymore. then, he'll see that she's at the foot of the staircase, giggling away, teasing her daddy to come chase her. her daddy slowly creeps toward her and she scrambles up the stairs. by the time he reaches the stairs, she's four or five steps up. then, in an act of pure and complete trust, she freefalls backwards, fully expecting to land in her daddy's arms.

ABOUT TRANSPARENCY
my parents and i spent the afternoon watching old family videos from my 4th and 5th birthday parties. other than being highly amusing, i noticed that when it came time for unwrapping the gifts, my little friends would hand me their gift and while i was busy tearing the paper off, they'd tell my mom what was inside. it dawned on me that somewhere on the road to adulthood, we've all gotten very good at keeping secrets. too good, even. we've learned to pretend that things are ok when they aren't. and most of us present ourselves to people based on the way we want them to think of us.

no wonder Jesus told us to learn from the little children!

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
~Matthew 18:3~

LIKE TOILET PAPER?

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer you are to the end, the faster it goes.
~John Maxwell

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, you never think you'll run out.
~Steve Choi

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
~Psalm 90:12~

RAISON D'ETRE

seems to me that the book du jour is the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. every cell group i see is going through that book. people are mentioning it left, right and center. i was given it for my birthday. and since i've been asking God what He wants me to do with my life, i've started reading it as well. anywho, something that is becoming very clear to me is God's call for me to China. and along with this call, comes the challenge to encourage more Canadian born Chinese students to consider it.

here's my line of thinking. God made me for a purpose. God promises to fulfill the purposes He has for me (Psalm 138:8.) the ultimate purpose for anything is that at the end of the day, all things will be held under the headship of Christ (Eph. 1:10.) so to tie those thoughts together, God has made me as i am so that i can help bring people to Christ.

i know that God does not make mistakes. so there is a reason why i am born as a Chinese girl in this age to Christian parents. and there is a reason why i was raised in Toronto.

growing up as a CBC, my peers and i often looked down on the fact that we were Chinese. we made jokes about China and poked fun at the cultural customs and tendencies. we were proud of our identities as Canadians but not so much as Chinese. but now i realize that that attitude was disrespecting God. it was He who brought our parents out of China so that we could come to know Christ in this free country of Canada. it was His plan that this new generation of Chinese people would have the financial stability, spiritual foundation and network of support to be sent back to their homeland to reach the 1.3 billion people who share their heritage but are dying without Christ (23,000 a day). it was also in His divine plan that we would be ready to minister in an age when hearts are open and there is a window of opportunity to reach China before materialism takes root. God makes no mistakes. and that is why i believe that in the coming few years, many of the youth in the chinese churches in Canada will be hearing the call to reach China. all in His perfect time.

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me.
~Psalm 138:8~

YUMMY!

wednesday nights are now my feast nights. :> every wednesday, our fellowship meets for bible study to prepare ourselves for the new year of ministry ahead. and every wednesday, i leave feeling like i've had the biggest, most satisfying meal because God's Word is just SO GOOD.

tonight, God revealed a new dimension of campus ministry that i had never really taken to heart before. while we were chewing on Acts 2:42-47, we noticed that this initial stage of the church was smooth sailing. everything was good, everyone was happy. it was a honeymoon. then, a couple pages later, the religious leaders start getting jealous and the church begins to feel some antagonism (Acts 5:17). After Stephen's stoning, Luke writes, "On that day a great persecution broke out against the church at Jerusalem, and all except the apostles were scattered throughout Judea and Samaria" (Acts 8:2). the church is now scattered. but the early days served as a solid basis for the believers - they had felt the power of God and seen His love at work in their community. two verses later, we're told that those who were scattered did not lose their faith but rather, they "preached the word wherever they went."

in the same way, when students graduate, they too are scattered into the world that is full of danger and persecution. so one role of the campus ministry is to provide an Acts 2 type of environment where they can be rooted and gain a solid foundation in the knowledge and experience of the reality of God. and our grad programs should be more of send-offs!

so many lessons in one day. more insights to be posted tomorrow. :>

For the word of God is living and active.
~Hebrews 4:12a~

DELIGHT

i think i'm finally back in the swing of things now. after having many conversations with different friends today, i sat down and realized that i'm really happy. i'm literally delighted to reconnect with the people around me. my schedule's starting to fill up again and i don't resent it. God has restored my soul. :> i look at the remainder of my summer and i see that i probably won't be getting much theatre work. but i am unphased. i hope to get some commissions for garage paintings (anyone want some artwork on their garage doors? ;> ) so that i can pay for school next year. but i know i rest secure in God's hands. i'm excited that i can finally meet up with some of my school friends again. i pray that God will give me opportunities to share about His goodness and His gospel with them! it's sort of odd to be feeling this much joy in a time when my family is grieving, but that's the depth and beauty of knowing Jesus. because in Christ, death on earth is only temporary separation.

Blessed be Your name, when the sun's shining down on me,
When the world's all as it should be,
Blessed be Your name.
Blessed be Your name, on the road marked with suffering,
Though there's pain in the offering,
Blessed be Your name.
- Beth and Matt Redman

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
~Psalm 23:1-4~

TRIBUTE

[Saturday, July 12, 2003 - Swatow, China - 6:00am]
Ah Ma slipped into eternity after 97 full years here on earth.

Jesus, thank you for your graciousness to my family, that my dad could go back when he did and witness his mother's decision to follow You. Continue to grant us your comforting presence as we who remain still have much to do in Your harvest fields. Grant mercy to my relatives who do not have the assurance of Hope that we have - that they would see their need of You. Thank you for taking care of my grandma for me, God. i look forward to getting to know her in eternity.

Meanwhile, all the people were wailing and mourning for her. "Stop wailing," Jesus said. "She is not dead but asleep."
~Luke 8:52~

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
~Revelation 21:3-4~

LOST ART

despite the fact that i don't have much going on these days, i've still managed to procrastinate for a whole week on several small tasks. a couple of the items i've put off simply because i really dislike picking up the phone to call people. but one of the slightly more important tasks involves writing a letter.

every time i sit down to write it, my mind draws a blank. is it because i have nothing to say? not really. do i not want to write this person? no. i want to send this letter. then why? hm. i realize that i haven't written a letter in a long time. i feel rusty and i don't know how to begin. these days, communication needs to be quick so we email, icq or talk on the phone. the trouble with this high speed communication is that we end up writing in sentence fragments and shortforms all over the place. handwritten letters are simply a dying species. when i was growing up, i wrote letters all the time. but since i hit university, my letter writing has dwindled. maybe now that i have time, i can start it up again. :>

and now that i've written to procrastinate about writing the letter, i think i'll actually start the letter.

Don't procrastinate--there's no time to lose.
~Proverbs 6:4[Message]~

oops. :p

SECRET

guy friend: why do girls like flowers so much?
me: it's a secret between us and God. :>

oh how wonderful to have God as my friend!

O LORD , you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD .
You hem me in-behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
~Psalm 139:1-6~

NO SACRIFICE

it's not often that a song can totally change one's life, but i can honestly say that this one has. i learned it on the Japan project and God has used it to challenge me to totally hand over *everything* in my life to Him. why? because in the end, i am really only exchanging what i think is good for the surpassing greatness of what God wants to give me.

To you I give my life
Not just the parts I want to
To You I sacrifice
These dreams that I hold onto

Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice, here’s my life

To You I give the gifts
Your love has given me
How can I hoard the treasures
That You designed for free?

Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice, here’s my life

To You I give my future
As long as it may last
To You I give my present
To You I give my past.

~Jason Upton

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
~Galatians 2:20~

NO SUCH THING

while talking to a friend about the wonders of modern day travel and how transportation now makes the world so small, we thought back to the days of Hudson Taylor and how much faith it would have taken for him to set off to China. my friend made a comment that really made me think. he said, "there was no such thing as a short term mission to Asia." considering that the journey across the ocean was six months in a ship, there definitely weren't short term mission trips. if you were going, you went for good. there was no sort of testing the waters. no thinking that "i'll just be a missionary for a few weeks and come back to my normal life."

before i left for Japan, that's sort of how i was thinking. while i knew that God would change me while i was overseas, i could not anticipate the larger impact it would have on my life. now that i'm back, i realize that i cannot come back to my life as i had left it. God's call for me to be a missionary is a lifelong call. i am His messenger no matter where i go. so what was true for the missionaries of the ages past is also true for me. there is no such thing as a short term mission.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
~Psalm 139:16~

FEEDING FRENZY

i love summer. not just for the hot weather, bright sunshine and long days. i love summer because that's when i get to read and read and read and read and... :>

since coming back, i've started reading Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secrets by Dr. and Mrs. Howard Taylor (Hudson Taylor's son and daughter-in-law). i'm about a quarter of the way through it but it's already been quite inspirational. i'll just leave you with a couple of quotes i found extra helpful.

Hudson Taylor did not start out to impact "millions." He started out to love God, to honor Him, and to share His love with individal sinners who needed so desperately to know Him. Jesus called Taylor (and us) to be "faithful," not "successful." And God added to the increase.

------

Bear not a single care thyself,
One is too much for thee;
The work is Mine, and Mine alone;
Thy work - to rest in Me.

one of my favourites:
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
~Psalm 46:10~