WYRGAN

it's interesting to note that the root word for worry comes from wyrgan, which means "to strangle." in effect, worrying saps the life out of a person. in the Bible, Jesus tells us again and again not to worry. but in my life, i find myself worrying and worrying. i know i worry because i don't have enough faith that God will take care of my needs and desires. and every time i confess my worries to God, He proves himself faithful - despite all the times i doubt Him(!).

my most recent encounter with His sovereignty came in the form of an email this morning. those who know me would tell you that i've lived in residence at York for the past two years. i was planning on staying there again come september, but due to some medical issues, i had to appeal to transfer buildings. this meant that i'd have to risk not getting into res again (simply because of the sheer number of applicants). by the end of june, all my returning res friends had received their room offers, but i still hadn't gotten any news from the school. i only knew that my appeal had been granted so i was on the list for the building i wanted. so last week, i gave the housing office a call to check on my status. the lady very kindly told me to start looking into other options as i was somewhere in the middle of a stagnant waiting list. great. that would mean i'd be living at home this year. normally, i would not take it so hard, but something deeper was bothering me...

you see, since high school, i've always viewed school as a place of ministry. as a student, i have opportunities to reach people i would never otherwise have. for this reason, i decided to live in res and subsequently, stay in res. ever since first year, i wanted to hold investigative bible studies with non-christians but the circumstances were not right either that year or in my second year. my hope was to finally get to have them in this coming year. but if i didn't get a spot in res, i didn't know how i could pull it off. my second concern about not living in res was for all the froshes coming in september. i personally know at least four of them and i reeeeeeally wanted to be there on campus for them. part of me was wondering whether i'm just a spoiled brat, wanting to get out of the house and enjoy the convenience of living on campus. i did a lot of soul searching, asking God to show me if i had impure motives, asking God to take away these dreams if they weren't from Him. i also asked Him to help me let go and let Him decide what was best for me. i heard nothing.

which brings me to today. this morning, i opened my email to see one titled, "Room Offer - Bethune Suites." apparently, there was a discrepancy in the way my application was handled so i was now their priority to place! they promised me an offer in the mail by friday. i think God was shaking His head, whispering to me with a smile on His face, "i told you child, don't worry!"

and so, Lord, i am humbled yet again by Your presence in my life. i am humbled by Your persistence and love for me, despite all the times i doubt and reject You. thank you so much.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:34