of all the church retreats i've been to, this one has probably been one of the most ordinary. no huge revelations. no emotional high. no accidents. no lost voice. no cryfest. no soap operas (a sign of maturity for our group, i hope?). not even a waterfight. i know i went to meet God - to get away from the noise of everyday busyness and hear Him. i went with one particular issue weighing heavy on my heart. and proving His faithfulness again, He spoke. but it wasn't anything extraordinary. it wasn't even during the worship or sermons. He just affirmed my next step to take in Him during my devos. i think grounded is the best word to describe the weekend.
of all the times i've had to lead worship, this weekend was probably one i felt least prepared for. it wasn't that our team didn't have rehearsals or that we didn't pray enough. but in the week leading up to retreat, God broke each of us down in our own way. the only prayer i could pray while leading each session was Lord, lead your people. let them encounter you in this time. let me encounter you 'cuz i'm struggling. i felt like i'd fade in and out of a worshipful heart - i was so easily distracted. i hated that feeling. i felt almost hypocritical. but quitting was not an option. so i just kept praying that God would work despite my shame and my weakness. i don't know if anyone enjoyed the worship times or if hearts were engaged, but i guess all i can do is trust in God's promise of grace and stop worrying.
back in april, when my summer was just starting, i knew this summer would be a lesson in faith. but i never knew just how far God would be stretching me. from jobs, to getting back into residence, to the ROM, to John 4:24, to facing my failures, to entrusting Him with my friends and family, it's been a crazy ride so far. but i'm soooooooo grateful for these lessons. and to think that i still have a lifetime to learn with Jesus... :>
or you brought forth the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting
you are God.
Psalm 90:2
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