REDEMPTIVE TIME

Imagine, for a moment, the situation. God had created a perfect place with perfect creatures to live in eternity. And, suddenly, evil arrived on the scene. What did God do?
...
God moved immediately to protect humankind from being in a state of eternal isolation, experiencing pain for a very long time. To protect Adam and Eve from eternal pain, he drove them out of eternity, guarded eternity with a cherubim, and sent them to a new place called redemptive time, where we live now. Here God could fix the problem; he could undo the effects of the fall. He could redeem his creation, and then bring humanity back into eternity after it was again holy and blameless.
...
Think of it another way. God has a sick creation. He needs to do surgery. Thus, he places us in the operating room of redemptive time. Into our veins he pumps the life-giving blood of grace and truth. During surgery, he excises evil and brings the renewed patient back into eternity in a holy state. We don't know how long this surgery will last. We only know that we are expected to participate actively in our own surgery, and we don't get any anesthesia for the procedure. That's why growing up into the image of God often hurts so much.(emphasis mine)

~Dr. Henry Cloud, Changes That Heal

CONTROL FREAKS

it seems to me as if a recurring problem everyone faces in life is letting go. whether you are young or old, there's always something God is challenging you to release into His grip. case in point: my family. i have my struggles, my dad has his and my mom, hers. this morning, my mom sent me a poem about this subject ('cuz she knows what i'm going through :> ). her comment on it was that if she could achieve half of the things mentioned in it, things would be so much better. i can only agree...

LETTING GO

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring,
It means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
It’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable,
But to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
Which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for,
But to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
But to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
But to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
But to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
But to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
But to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
But to take each day as it comes.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
But to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
But to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more!

~Charles Swindoll, The Grace Awakening

LEANING ON THE EVERLASTING ARMS

of all the church retreats i've been to, this one has probably been one of the most ordinary. no huge revelations. no emotional high. no accidents. no lost voice. no cryfest. no soap operas (a sign of maturity for our group, i hope?). not even a waterfight. i know i went to meet God - to get away from the noise of everyday busyness and hear Him. i went with one particular issue weighing heavy on my heart. and proving His faithfulness again, He spoke. but it wasn't anything extraordinary. it wasn't even during the worship or sermons. He just affirmed my next step to take in Him during my devos. i think grounded is the best word to describe the weekend.

of all the times i've had to lead worship, this weekend was probably one i felt least prepared for. it wasn't that our team didn't have rehearsals or that we didn't pray enough. but in the week leading up to retreat, God broke each of us down in our own way. the only prayer i could pray while leading each session was Lord, lead your people. let them encounter you in this time. let me encounter you 'cuz i'm struggling. i felt like i'd fade in and out of a worshipful heart - i was so easily distracted. i hated that feeling. i felt almost hypocritical. but quitting was not an option. so i just kept praying that God would work despite my shame and my weakness. i don't know if anyone enjoyed the worship times or if hearts were engaged, but i guess all i can do is trust in God's promise of grace and stop worrying.

back in april, when my summer was just starting, i knew this summer would be a lesson in faith. but i never knew just how far God would be stretching me. from jobs, to getting back into residence, to the ROM, to John 4:24, to facing my failures, to entrusting Him with my friends and family, it's been a crazy ride so far. but i'm soooooooo grateful for these lessons. and to think that i still have a lifetime to learn with Jesus... :>

Before the mountains were born,
or you brought forth the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting
you are God.
Psalm 90:2

OFF I GO...

to retreat this weekend. goin to listen to God. :>

ROMANS 8:32

the following is an excerpt from Future Grace by John Piper. may it fill your heart with hope, as it has filled mine. :>

God desired two things: not to see his Son made a mockery by sinners; and not to see his people denied infinite future grace. Surely it is more likely that he will spare his Son than that he will spare us. But no. He did not spare his Son. And therefore it is impossible that he should spare us the promise for which the Son died - he will freely with him give us all things.
...
The great promise of future grace, guaranteed in the logic of Romans 8:32, is that nothing will ever enter your experience as God's child that, by God's sovereign grace, will not turn out to be a benefit to you. This is what it means for God to be God, and for God to be for you, and for God to freely give you all things with Christ.

He who did not spare His own Son,
but delivered Him up for us all,
how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?
Romans 8:32

PERFECT PEACE

mountaintop is now over. the time has come to descend again back to the everyday life without God's overwhelmingly glaring presence. not that He's left. but it's a quieter, more subtle presence.

physically, i feel so gross today. not sick. just little irritations here and there. my mom says it's 'cuz i've been sleeping late. hopefully, she's right. i also have a mystery bug bite on my arm that's insanely itchy (but i refuse to touch it 'cuz it looks freaky enough as it stands).

spiritually, i'm facing a battle against myself. through a conversation with a friend last night, God has challenged me to review my relationships with certain people. am i willing to give up perfectly good friendships so that i can give 100% of my heart to serve my jealous God? will i trust Him enough to let go of the good to gain the best? will i trust Him to take care of the other person when i distance myself? i am so tired of the debate raging inside of me. so tired of all the things i have yet to do.

oh God, give me grace, that i can trust You. lead me by the hand, that i can follow You.

You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.
Isaiah 26:3

GOSSAMER WINGS

"keep the site sheltered. high winds damage butterflies' gossamer wings."
~attract butterflies to your garden (reader's digest, aug 2002)

why is it so hard to keep faith?

God has been showing Himself so faithful to me especially in these past couple of weeks and i still find myself doubting His goodness. i can understand doubt in times of trial. but doubt in times of victory?

yesterday, i found myself wondering if God has been purposely emphasizing His presence in my life to prepare me for a time of devestation. it frightens me that i would think like this. that i would be suspicious of His grace. i'm not sure how i should deal with these thoughts. where is this pessimism coming from? are there thoughts like these echoed somewhere in scripture? i guess everyone comes across hard times sooner or later, so i shouldn't be surprised if i were to experience loss or despair in the near future. but it just strikes me as odd that i would think of this in the midst of such a joyous time.

But [God] gives us a greater grace.
James 4:6 [NASB]

TOO MUCH...almost

wowee. what a weekend. it's 1:00am and i'm waiting for my parents to get home from their three-day trip to the states. i'm tired, but i want to see them so i figured i'd try to be somewhat productive and write a little something here. :>

in short, i have been overwhelmed by God's grace these past few days. He has been teaching me so much that i don't know where to start sharing! i guess i'll post some hightlights...

worshipping with John 4:24 last night at mel lastman square was unbelievable. in a way, it felt similar to the ROM event: i was simply there as a participant in God's work. He brought a lady to us in the middle of the chalk drawing section who requested that we sing Amazing Grace. her son had died and he would have been 19 yesterday. she had just come from the cemetery and she really wanted to hear the song. i don't know who was more moved at that moment - her or us. but one thing is for sure, God was certainly there. and so i praise Him.

this evening, people from York CCF came over for a planning meeting. it turned out to be a prayer meeting more than anything. we still got our planning done, but the depth of sharing we did and the intensity of prayer we had was incredible. i was reminded again of the fact that each of us face our own struggles in this life, but by God's grace, we have people to share the road with. i have this theory that spending time in prayer before any planning or preparation happens increases the productivity immensely (be it worship team, fellowship committee...). tonight was no exception. and so i praise Him.

i've started to read a book called Future Grace by John Piper and it has strengthened me so much, especially in the face of all these events and responsibilities. the basic premise is this: God's past graces, the ways He has shown Himself faithful, should spur us into having more faith in His future grace, the ways He will show Himself faithful. because of faith in God's future grace, we can live out Christ's command not to worry. in this way, we can also live with abandon in Christ. i've discovered a new prayer to pray for myself and all the people around me who are going through tough times. Lord, grant us more grace, and give us more faith! i thank God for giving us His word and His promises. He is faithful, indeed. and so i praise Him.

i am in awe that God would chose to work in and through us. we don't deserve it. we let Him down time and time again! but still, He woos us, calling us to come near, lavishing His grace on us.

How can I repay the LORD
for all his goodness to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.
I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.
Praise the LORD.
Psalm 116:12-14, 19b

HERE AND NOW

just a short observation before i head off to sleepyland...
many times, in anticipation for a big event, we thank God for what He is going to do. that's an important and neccessary demonstration of our faith. but we forget that He is already doing. here and now. that is one exciting thought!

"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty."
Revelation 1:8

BREATHING GOD

i've been hermiting these past few days. actually, that's probably not the right term for it, but i'll call it that anyway. on the outside, i've been continuing on pretty normally. although, i've been setting aside more time than usual to spend with God and reading His word (and less time on the computer :p). on the inside, i've decided to live through my day in a spirit of meditation, consciously giving thought to God more and trying to be more aware of His presence in each moment.

during this process of being still and seeking God, i've learned an interesting (and surprising) lesson: when you draw near to God, he increases your compassion for others. when i set out on this experiment of sorts, i thought i would feel further away from people when i got closer to God. but i found that i was actually caring more for the people around me and praying more for people. as i got closer to God, i wanted to bring people along with me! what started out as a decision out of selfishness (my original intention was to prepare for the John 4:24 event) turned into a lesson on God's selfless nature. It's in his nature to bless people. Right from the creation of Adam and Eve!

When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. He created them male and female and blessed them.
Genesis 5:1-2

CONSUMER PRAYER?

if you look at the prayers the apostle Paul prayed, he asked for deep things. he asked that we would know Christ, that our relationships with God would grow deeper, that we would appreciate the breadth and scope of God's love for us. he didn't pray consumer prayers.

with these comments, the pastor introduced the prayer items tonight. but the last sentence stuck out.

he didn't pray consumer prayers.

how am i praying these days? have i lost my focus on what God desires most for me? yes, God wants us to come to him for all things, but doesn't he already know what our worldly needs are? He wants us to want more of Him. is that what i pray for? is that what we pray for?

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.
Ephesians 1:17

WYRGAN

it's interesting to note that the root word for worry comes from wyrgan, which means "to strangle." in effect, worrying saps the life out of a person. in the Bible, Jesus tells us again and again not to worry. but in my life, i find myself worrying and worrying. i know i worry because i don't have enough faith that God will take care of my needs and desires. and every time i confess my worries to God, He proves himself faithful - despite all the times i doubt Him(!).

my most recent encounter with His sovereignty came in the form of an email this morning. those who know me would tell you that i've lived in residence at York for the past two years. i was planning on staying there again come september, but due to some medical issues, i had to appeal to transfer buildings. this meant that i'd have to risk not getting into res again (simply because of the sheer number of applicants). by the end of june, all my returning res friends had received their room offers, but i still hadn't gotten any news from the school. i only knew that my appeal had been granted so i was on the list for the building i wanted. so last week, i gave the housing office a call to check on my status. the lady very kindly told me to start looking into other options as i was somewhere in the middle of a stagnant waiting list. great. that would mean i'd be living at home this year. normally, i would not take it so hard, but something deeper was bothering me...

you see, since high school, i've always viewed school as a place of ministry. as a student, i have opportunities to reach people i would never otherwise have. for this reason, i decided to live in res and subsequently, stay in res. ever since first year, i wanted to hold investigative bible studies with non-christians but the circumstances were not right either that year or in my second year. my hope was to finally get to have them in this coming year. but if i didn't get a spot in res, i didn't know how i could pull it off. my second concern about not living in res was for all the froshes coming in september. i personally know at least four of them and i reeeeeeally wanted to be there on campus for them. part of me was wondering whether i'm just a spoiled brat, wanting to get out of the house and enjoy the convenience of living on campus. i did a lot of soul searching, asking God to show me if i had impure motives, asking God to take away these dreams if they weren't from Him. i also asked Him to help me let go and let Him decide what was best for me. i heard nothing.

which brings me to today. this morning, i opened my email to see one titled, "Room Offer - Bethune Suites." apparently, there was a discrepancy in the way my application was handled so i was now their priority to place! they promised me an offer in the mail by friday. i think God was shaking His head, whispering to me with a smile on His face, "i told you child, don't worry!"

and so, Lord, i am humbled yet again by Your presence in my life. i am humbled by Your persistence and love for me, despite all the times i doubt and reject You. thank you so much.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:34

A MAZE OF GRACE

oh my, these past few days have been a flurry of activity! writing it all out is such a daunting task, but i will do it because i need to write it down. a testament of God's grace, if you will.

on friday night, we held a joint fellowship event at the ROM between NTCBC's Josiah and RHCBC's SALT fellowships. jon came up with the idea back in may and we decided it might be a neat adventure to undertake, so we did. and how it grew! originally, i thought we'd just gather some interesting tidbits or artifacts for people to go around finding. it would be a scavenger hunt for our fellowships, a time where teammates could get to know each other. but as things progressed, it started taking the shape of several short talks around the museum. vicky signed on and a short time later, lillian decided to join us as well. jon wanted to talk about ICTHYS, the Jesus fish (or, more correctly, the Jesus, Son of God, Saviour fish). vicky was interested in some of the artwork at the Images of Salvation exhibit. and lillian wanted to talk about the ancient text scrolls.

less than two weeks before the event, i still had no clue what i would be talking about. i'd been to the museum countless times, but nothing jumped out at me. hoping jon could help me decide on a topic, we wandered around the exhibits for a while. he asked me if anything caught my attention at all and i said, "well, there's this wall that's built by nebuchadnezzar..." so we went and stood there, staring at it for a while. then, we noticed that there was a huge map of the mesopotamian region right next to the wall. intrigued by the history, i took out my study bible to find out more about this king and his contemporaries (i knew from before that daniel was in the picture somehow). as i flipped the pages, my bible opened to a page in 2 Samuel of a map of the Conquests of King Nebuchadnezzar; pretty much the exact map that was posted! i knew then that this was my subject. there was no question about it.

honestly, i'd never had so much fun and excitement in researching a subject than when i went digging for this talk. every new fact shed a light on the subject. the ultimate moment came when i was sitting on my bed at home, reading jeremiah when i came across chapter 29, verse 11. i had known the verse well from numerous occasions of quoting it, but this time, i understood it in an entirely new way when i finally read it in context. i'll post my findings in another article for those who are interested. :>

so thursday night rolled around and we met at vicky's house to finalize everything and put the booklet together. it was the first time all of us could meet together since debarking on this project. it was also the first time i got to meet lillian! everything fell into place that night. we all knew the spirit of God was very present with us. after listening to each other share what we learned, we saw a common thread in each of our talks: God uses all sorts of people. from nebuchadnezzar, to constantine, to ishmael and issac, to various artists, God's purpose was achieved through their lives. God uses odd people! how comforting. 'cuz it meant that God could use us, too! the booklet came together so easily and after we'd finished lil's page, jon and i discovered several small "coincidences" that blew us away: the text matched the picture of hagar and ishmael that it was sitting on (ie, the word "shoulder" was on hagar's shoulder, the words, "i cannot watch my boy die" were on ishmael). the four of us also had an awesome time of prayer just praising God for his work in history and in our lives. we left vicky's house late that night, tired, but excited about what the next day would bring.

i spent most of my day on friday making all the booklets and remembering everyone in prayer. when i got to the ROM at 5:30, my heart started going crazy. seeing all the people milling about suddenly made me so nervous! i kept saying silent prayers asking God to calm me down. jon and i went to each spot where talks were going to be held and we prayed over them. but even after praying, i still felt uneasy. i needed peace and all i had was a noisy brain on overdrive. :T i think we all needed peace at that moment. we needed to heed the words of psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." after taking care of some other details, i retreated to philosopher's walk for several minutes alone with God. in the silence, He reminded me of why i was there, to give Him glory and to serve the people who were coming. after that, i felt grounded again. i knew it would be all God or nothing.

by the time it was 7:30, we had a sizeable group and jon and i started our talks. i was still nervous so i kind of pity those who were at my first talk. :p time flew by and soon i was giving my second talk. this one went much better, despite the fact that bigjon was taping me! then it was time to head down to the vatican exhibit. personally, i'm not too fond of renaissance or baroque style art. i found too many of the paintings looked too ethereal and not down to earth enough. many of them were not true to biblical text either. but even so, i appreciated the expositions from vicky and jon. as we were leaving the ROM to go for dinner, someone pointed out that the byzantine dome at the entrance of the museum had the words, "that all men may know His works." that summed up our whole evening perfectly. God was in the ROM and we had experienced it.

"I think God took the little bit of trust we gave him, and opened the floodgates wider than we'd hoped."
that's exactly it, jon. exactly.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21

ALL ABOUT OLIVE

"why did your parents name you Olive?"
"is that your real name?"
"Olive? as in martini, Popeye, olive oil?"
i get these comments a lot so i thought i'd do a little write-up on why my parents named me after a fruit.

"But I am like an olive tree, flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever."
Psalm 52:8

this is the verse my parents based both my english and chinese names on. the biblical origin of my english name is pretty obvious but there were also secondary influences. the street we lived on when i was born was Olive Ave. in North York. we also knew a couple who were close friends of our family and the wife's name was Olive. i grew up calling her grandma Olive.

my chinese name is more interesting, i think. the first character is "yee", meaning to trust or lean on. the second character is "tzee", meaning deep love of God. so just as the verse says, i am to be like an olive tree who leans on God's unfailing love.

having a name that is so rich has been very helpful to me. it's my constant reminder of where i should draw my strength from. i only hope that i can give my kids names that are as meaningful!

on a side note, "Lam" in chinese means forest. so if you stretch the translation a little, my name could very well be "olive tree"!

and since i know you're probably wondering, yes, i do eat olives. i don't like green ones but black ones -- yum!

ON FRIENDSHIP

it dawned on me today that the older people get, the harder it becomes for friends to stay close.

looking at my parents' generation, it's very rare to see the same level of friendship between peers as we have in ours. as people finish school, get jobs, move away, get married and have families, it takes more and more effort to maintain the kind of accountability and support that is such a huge part of our student lives. if you ask me if i have friends right now who i could share my toughest struggles with, who'll pray for me and check up on me, i could name you a handful. but how many friendships like these do you see in the generations above us?

looking ahead, i'm afraid of the changes my friendships will go through. i want to desperately hold on to what i enjoy right now. but i know i will have to choose the ones i am willing to let go of and which ones i will sacrifice for in order to keep. i don't know if all close friends inevitably drift, but i pray that i will always have at least one friend i can confide in and pray with throughout my walk in life. she won't ever take the place of Jesus, but she'll be the human extension of Jesus to me.

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Proverbs 18:24

WHO AM I?

i had a chance to chill with some old friends from high school this evening. our topic of conversation somehow meandered to a discussion on walking away vs. confronting a person who - to put it crudely - gives you crap. they each cited various examples from their lives of situations where they felt they had had enough and they needed to stand up for themselves. "walking away is a sign of strength, but if the other person doesn't see it as that, they'll just think you're weak. you need to put them in their place sometimes."

perhaps. but i knew they wouldn't understand if i had told them that for me, knowing who i am in Christ means that i don't have to make sure people have the perception of me that i'd like them to have. knowing that i am valuable enough in God's eyes to put his grace into action to save me means that i don't have to be concerned about what others think of me. and i don't have to worry about being taken advantage of if i'm living for His approval only.

incidentally, for anyone who's interested in more on this idea, Richard Foster writes brilliantly about it in a chapter on Servanthood in his book "Celebration of Discipline."

oh, there's always so much to learn. what a joy! :)