CHEERIOS

i'm going on a 3 week hiatus and i'm not sure if i'll get a chance to update anything. so MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! be good while i'm gone. ;p

SAFE MODE

i'm typing away at my blog entry and i glance down under the posting window to see three slightly peculiar words: enter safe mode. and i think, wouldn't it be great if we could have that in real life? just press a button and enter the safe mode where none of life's bad stuff can get at you. in the safe mode, you can avoid all of satan's attacks, you can be free from all the pain and suffering in this world - you can reach for your dreams without the risk of falling or failing. and then i realize that as Christians, we live in dangerous mode, fighting daily battles. yet ultimately, we do live in safe mode. because of Christ, we are hidden in God. He keeps us safe. He protects us from harm. in His will, we can accomplish much.

as Christians, we have so much reason to celebrate today - Jesus' birthday - the day safe mode was made possible. :>

For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
~Colossians 3:3~

NOT ALONE

how easy it is to slip into self-pity. tonight, over dinner, i was mulling over in my head how it seems like everyone has parties to go to and i'm sitting at home by myself. but then i realized that i am privileged to be surrounded by family, to have good meals to eat and to have a nice home to live in. i've had two whole weeks off already and i've spent plenty of that time catching up with friends. i just did all my partying earlier than everyone else. ;>

i'm sorry, God, for insulting You, for not appreciating all You've blessed me with. even if i were to live by myself on the streets, the knowledge of Your saving grace is reason enough to praise You forever.

Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
~Ephesians 5:19-20~

SEPARATION ANXIETY

i want time to stop. it's just over 48 hours before i leave the country to go to asia with my parents and i don't want to go. i've been looking forward to this trip for almost a year and now that it's on my doorstep, i want it to go away. i won't play dumb and say i don't know why. i know exactly why. because going means i will have to face winter term when i come back. going means that my time of rest is over. going also means i won't get to see a lot of people i want to see. and although it'll only be three weeks, i know i will not be the same person when i return.

ah wells. time will not stop. i will have to face another crazy term of busyness. and i will have to change. my only comfort is this: God goes with me.

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
~Deuteronomy 31:8~

O COME, O COME EMMANUEL

O come, Desire of nations, bind

In one the hearts of all mankind;

Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,

And be Thyself our King of Peace.

how fitting a prayer for our nations today.

Pray for the peace of Jerusalem:
"May those who love you be secure.
May there be peace within your walls
and security within your citadels."
~Psalm 122:6-7~

FINDING FAITH

"when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"
Luke 18:8

what do you do when you've coached a team of young people to present a drama for the Christmas outreach dinner only to watch all their hard work and preparation vanish because a microphone didn't work and there wasn't enough experience to know how to deal with it? is it enough to say that God sees the heart and knows just how much we wanted glory for Him? is it enough to realize that we gave our best? do we mourn the loss of an opportunity? is it possible to believe that despite "blowing it," God could still use us to touch hearts? have i failed God?

my human self would have me beat myself up over not preparing them well enough. but looking through the eyes of grace, i resolve to believe that God is still sovereign. i do not know what i can find faith. maybe if i focus on His nail-scarred hands...

The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!"
~Luke 17:5~

HEART CRIES :: WAR CRIES

went to see The Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers this afternoon (yes, i'm a nerd, seeing it opening day). i'm not gonna do a movie review (because i like the book better) but i am gonna share a little insight i gained from the experience.

about a month ago, i read the book Wild At Heart by John Eldredge. in it, he talks about how deep within the heart of any man, there is a desire to fight a battle. while i am not a man (nor do i claim to begin to remotely understand one), i caught a glimpse of that fire within as i watched the movie. seeing the men all lined up along the walls at Helm's Deep, bracing thunder and lighting and bravely facing the oncoming army of 10,000, i felt a sense of admiration swell up in my soul. at that moment, i recognized that distinct difference between the heart of a man and a heart of a woman. i also saw a little piece of what war in the heavenlies might be like: forces of good against the forces of evil. perhaps even a bit like the war described in Revelation 12. for me, the battle scene illustrated our spiritual battle. this is why we must pray diligently. but we also pray with faith. for just as in the trilogy, good ultimately emerges victorious.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
~Ephesians 6:12~

OUR DEEPEST FEAR

i used to have this posted outside my res door until it fell off and someone took it or threw it out... but it's inspired me every time i read it. :>

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
~Nelson Mandela~

...that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life...
~Philippians 2:15-16~

ETHNO-WORSHIP

last friday, one of my favourite former sunday school teachers came to speak to our fellowship about her mission project and where God's leading her. she spoke about ethnomusicology (the study of different cultures' music) and how it related to worship. her role in reaching the nations is to study the music of a culture and use that music to bring people closer to Christ.

one key term she used was heart language. she said that while many people in the world can speak another language (eg. english), the gospel is not real and relevant to them unless it is in their heart language. this applies especially to the Bible. people are not as likely to read the word of God when it isn't in their heart language. this makes sense, because why would you want to worship a God who doesn't even speak your own language?

having worship music in a people's heart language is also important because western worship songs might not relate or might give the wrong impression of God. for example, in a small tribe, a missionary once found the people singing "The Wise Man Built His House Upon A Rock" because it was one of the few songs they knew. the catch was, only one person in the whole tribe had ever SEEN a rock! another example: in certain parts of Africa, the word "fortress" has an evil connotation because they used to kidnap tribes and hold them in fortresses until they could be shipped off as slaves. in this case, you do not want to teach the song "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God."

these were just a few things that captured my mind from her talk. i'm just so amazed at how wonderfully diverse God created us to be. one verse she also shared with us was from Isaiah 60. within those verses is an astounding picture of multicultural worship. the most beautiful thing is, each people group brings something different to the Throne.

"Lift up your eyes and look about you:
All assemble and come to you;
your sons come from afar,
and your daughters are carried on the arm.
Then you will look and be radiant,
your heart will throb and swell with joy;
the wealth on the seas will be brought to you,
to you the riches of the nations will come."
~Isaiah 60:4-5~

GRATITUDE

being thankful is an endless lesson. yet it's one of the most rewarding lessons. when you pause to think about all God has given you, it's astounding.

in an article i read over the weekend, the author wrote that when you turn your heart to a position of thankfulness
...you become aware that God's great gift of Jesus Christ was given not only for everyone, but for you. You belong. God has made a space for you. Whether you live or die, you belong to the Lord. A joyous surge stirs in you and you want to bow in humble gratitude.

in other words, just as we have a God shaped hole in our hearts, God has an us shaped hole in His heart! what a thought!

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son...
~John 3:16a~

SEASON FOR LOVE?

it seems like i was just doing my homework and when i looked up, all these couples had popped up.
-- an aptly spoken comment by a friend

there must be something in the water
-- the response from another friend

this past semester, it seems like so many people found their "soul mate." at least, a lot of people around me have. admittedly, all this happy news has left me with much joy but not without also an intense conversation with my Creator:

me: God, i know you'll bring the right person to me when i'm ready.
God: yes.
me: so will i ever be ready?
[silence]
am i not good enough?
[silence]
i'm not good enough.
God: i *died* for you, didn't i?
me: [looking down uneasily] yes...
God: look at the sky. i created a spectacular sunset for you tonight.
[i look out the window]
can't you see i'm romancing you?
me: it *is* beautiful.
God: *you* are beautiful. why do you doubt Me?
[more silence]
me: [breaking down] i'm so selfish and bitter, God. there's still so much refining you have to do in me. i'm afraid i'll never be ready.
[He doesn't speak. gently, He holds me in His arms in an eternal embrace.]

O LORD, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my every thought when far away.

You chart the path ahead of me
and tell me where to stop and rest.
Every moment you know where I am.

You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, LORD.

You both precede and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to know!

I can never escape from your spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there.

If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.

I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night--
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are both alike to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother's womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous--and how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed. They are innumerable!

I can't even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up in the morning,
you are still with me!
~Psalm 139:1-18 (TLB)~

THE BRIDGE

God is super.

and i am super sore. :p

after my exam on saturday, i went straight to my church to finish building a "set" for our chinese outreach. it was a relatively simple set. a "bridge" made of particle board and latex paint had already been built the sunday before. all that was left to do was a row of grass to line the front of the stage and frame the bridge. theoretically, that seemed simple enough. just paint the grass on cardboard, cut it out with an x-acto knife and add some shadows and highlights. yeah. only 7 hours of squatting! lol. and 30+ feet of grass wasn't that easy to cut, either. :T

but it was ALL worth it. every little muscle strain. last night, when over 70 new families came to hear the gospel and a seemingly endless stream of people lined up to cross the bridge as a symbol of their commitment to Christ, all of us who'd worked so hard to put the night together could not help but smile and hold back the tears. Spirit-filled is the only way i can describe it. another thing that encouraged me was the way our church worked in unity. even though i'm from the english congregation and the outreach was in chinese, i still felt such a sense of belonging. my heart is truly overflowing with praise. :>

How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!
~Psalm 133:1~

LALALA

free -- at last. for now. lol.

In my anguish I cried to the LORD , and he answered by setting me free.
~Psalm 118:5~

RESTLESS

the thing about going through any intense period of stress is that when it's all over, you don't know what to do with yourself. it's a contradictory combination of not wanting to do anything, having lots to do, wanting to sleep all day and not wanting to sleep all day. in ways, it feels like grieving. but there isn't one particular person to keep thinking about. i guess i haven't been *still* for so long that i need to re-learn how to appreciate it.

sometimes, my thoughts scare myself. they make me wonder if i'm actually crazy. and if i'm not crazy, how close am i to crossing the line?... i feel so fragile. i need Rest.

"Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest-"
~Psalm 55:6~

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.
~Psalm 116:7~

FROM YESTERDAY

so what i wrote yesterday was too long to post. alors, here it is in two parts.

ONE-STONE LIVING

the craziness is over!!! praise God that i did not get sick or have any major emotional or spiritual breakdowns. the last five days has brought me many lessons that i just didn't have time to post so i guess i'll post them now (and you can read them at your leisure).

God's abounding grace
no matter how many times it's happened before, one thing that always amazes me is the way God multiplies my time when i stop doubting and allow Him to do His work through me despite my busy schedule. last friday, when my mom was driving me back home from res, she informed me that i would have to add buying primer and priming some boards to my to-do list on saturday. my dad was supposed to prime the boards for a set for our church outreach but he'd run out of paint so i had to go buy some and finish the painting. while i already had laundry, making dinner, finishing an essay, reading a play, doing a drawing assignment and going to a potluck dinner on my list, i still said yes to my mom, knowing that if i didn't do it, it really wouldn't get done. i only prayed that God would be just and see that i was only doing this for Him. and He was merciful. i completed everything i needed to do in time. it took me until sunday, but i got everything done and none of my assignments were late.

God's tangible love
our fellowship took its monthly trip down to the ICC soup kitchen tonight. while talking to one of the men we were serving, he said, "the love of one beautiful woman makes the world a better place." and i replied (out of the Spirit's revelation, i'm sure), "that's because it's a reflection of God's love." i'm still trying to understand what i said. :p

God's infinite patience
one of my favourite lessons came at the potluck on saturday. it was the first time i was meeting the worship team i'm "advising" for the next few months. i'm about five years older than the team members but i know for certain that they will teach me possibly more than i will teach them. anyway, during our time of sharing, one of the guys told us about something he'd learned at one of his church's bible studies. he asked us a question relating to the story of david and goliath. we know that after david tried on saul's armour and felt too clumsy and uncomfortable in it, he took his sling and went down to the river to gather five stones. he took a shot with the first stone and it hit goliath in the head, killing him. without faith in God, david could not have killed goliath. the question is this: if david had faith that God would give him victory, why did he pick up five stones?
our challenge, then, is to live one-stone lives. lives full of faith. or as i like to say, lives where it's God or nothing.

He restores my soul.
~Psalm 23:3~

ALIVE

i typed up a great post last night but for some reason, blogger won't let me post or publish it. so we'll see if this one makes it up there.

i came across this interesting observation in one of the plays i had to read for my exam. it's from Look Back In Anger by John Osborne:

They all want to escape from the pain of being alive. And, most of all, from love. It's no good trying to fool yourself about love. You can't fall into it like a soft job, without dirtying up your hands. It takes muscle and guts.

just some food for thought.

Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."
~Genesis 22:2~