i'm currently working on a paper about the eye and how it sees. and i like the term crystalline lens. it just sounds cool. :>
anyway, i don't have much to write about today other than a brief comment on how it's so easy to procrastinate your time away... :p and how much easier it is to procrastinate when you have internet access. yep, that's how life's going right now.
...trying to claim the victory of the Cross for my life.
i had a most interesting day yesterday. first, i got to have lunch with a new friend who's looking for God. we had an awesome conversation about God and various aspects of who He is. then, on my way down to the Toronto Reference Library, i bumped into a girl who was in my program in first year but hadn't come back. i hadn't seen her since then so it was a huge surprise for me to bump into her again. the coolest thing was that when she saw me, she told me that she'd just been thinking about me the other day. needless to say, we exchanged numbers and hopefully, we can keep in touch. finally, last night, just as i was drifting off to dreamland, i got a phone call from another friend who needed my help. during that conversation, part of me wanted to hang up because i was so tired. but i knew that i was just being selfish. so yeah, God's been teaching me that whatever circumstances He brings to me, i am to serve Him there.
another neat anecdote i meant to post on wednesday... our ccf's been meeting in a classroom every week. the only thing is, we hadn't actually booked it through the school. so technically, we could have been kicked out. anyway, this week, i thought that i'd live up to my responsibilities and actually book the room for the rest of the semester. so i handed in the form on monday, figuring that with 7 business days of processing, we should be cleared for the room by next week's meeting. wednesday morning, i received a call from the lady at the office. she informed me that we couldn't get the room we requested, but they were giving us another room that would hold the same number of people. i thanked her but in the back of my head, i was unhappy. the room we'd been meeting in was good! why couldn't we have it? and then, God convicted me: don't you trust me that i'll give you the best? you haven't even seen the new room yet, why are you complaining? i had to admit, He caught me. when i went to check out the new room, i realized that i was better for our purposes. *sigh*
i subscribe to this verse of the day thing and today's was quite good. so i thought i'd post it here as a piece of encouragement:
THOUGHT:
I feel so burdened myself, that sometimes I can't even see
others burdens. But Jesus reminds me that if I am to be like him,
I will be a burden carrier. This is why he came, why he died, and
why his resurrection is so important -- to lift from us the burdens
of sin, death, and depravity. He has blessed us by carrying our
heaviest burdens so that we might lighten the load of those around
us.
PRAYER:
Compassionate Father, help me to see the burdens in the lives of
others around me and then respond to those burdens with help. I
want to be a blessing to the broken and discouraged, so please help
me find my place and my way of serving to your glory. In Jesus'
name. Amen.
conquering the self is the most difficult thing.
it's a battle no one knows but me.
no one sees it.
no one hears it.
no one can grapple with it but myself.
and no one can help me win or lose.
it's an internal struggle for faith.
and the more i fight, the more i see my weakness.
it's a cry for grace.
but underneath it all, there is joy.
i know i can never fall beyond His reach.
or fail beyond His forgiveness.
it's been a while since i've updated anything here... school's insanely busy despite the fact that i don't have midterms. i dunno how that works but each day is packed chock-full of ongoing assignments. and i think the weather's gettin to me 'cuz i have an overwhelming urge to sleep pretty much every moment i'm awake - not very conducive to accomplishing anything. anyway, i wanted to post a little update on what God's been teaching me this past week.
recently, God's been intensifying my burden to reach my friends at school; particularly my three suitemates and seven classmates (yes, i only have an 8 person class). i have been trying to get an investigative bible study going but to no avail since no one has shown up for the past two weeks. after much thought, i've boiled it all down to two areas of challenge.
firstly, i have much fear. i know in my head how to invite my friends to come to the bible studies and i've had ample opportunities to do so, but my mouth feels glued shut. the culprit: fear. it's even more frustrating when i know it's fear and know i have nothing to fear, yet i still am immobilized by it. i have a huge passion to see them discover Christ, but it seems like even that is not enough to open my mouth. i told my church counsellor about it last night and she encouraged me by telling me to keep trying. the time will come, she said. that's what i pray.
secondly, i have forgotten the basics of prayer. God gave me a wake-up call through my devotional material the other day when the writer pointed out that Jesus is the Lord of the harvest. it's up to Him when things will happen. we need to have faith and keep praying in the face of apparent lack of movement on God's part.
blast from the past... the following is sung to the tune of Eidelweiss from the Sound of Music:
something i keep struggling with is being wholly satisfied in Christ. it's like, some days, the world is golden and i don't want anything other than what i have. other days, i feel like i have to fight myself because my yearning for a companion is so deep. on one hand, i know that Christ is the only one who will not let me down and in whom i will find full satisfaction. but on the other hand, i am also keenly aware of my desire for human company. i couldn't figure out how to reconcile the apparent dichotomy... until this morning.
my pastor was finishing a series of sermons about "the 'I' and the 'We'." and today, he started off his sermon by explaining that God made Adam and Eve to be in community with each other. i almost laughed when i heard that because here was this fundamental idea that i'd totally forgotten (or disregarded). and here was the answer i'd been searching for.
God gave me a hug this morning. a much-needed, fully-encouraging hug. :>
Witness is not a verb. You don't go witnessing, you ARE a witness.
i heard this about five years ago at a student conference. and today, i was reminded of it again in a conversation with my friend.
i spent most of my day drafting in our classroom/studio. being in a class of eight girls makes for many conversations and lots of silliness. but anyway, my friend made a comment today that really made me think. she said, "the world needs more cool Christians like you... people who don't just condemn everything..." and then she said, "i admire you. you have so much confidence in yourself. i was just telling my friend about you the other day. how you always seem to know who you are, where you're going, what you're doing..." and i realized that i do know who i am and where i'm going. i know because of Christ! i realized that even though i hadn't preached the gospel to her, God is drawing her closer to Himself. i continue to pray that one day soon, i will have the opportunity to explain the Reason for my confidence and that she will be able to recieve it as her own.
here's another posting i've been meaning to write for a long time...
back in the summer, i was at a worship service and the worship leader lead a "palms-up/palms-down" prayer. with our hands lifted with the palms up, we prayed for blessings and grace. with our palms down, we gave up our sins and worries. while i thought this was an interesting way of physically illustrating our interaction with God, i've been thinking more about what it means to live with my palms up.
to me, having my palms up signals a position of giving and receiving. with my palms up, i can offer up to God all that i have, whether it be my gifts, talents, anxieties or sins. and there, i am also in a place to receive God's word, blessings, grace and forgiveness. when i stand with my empty hands turned upwards, it symbolizes my nakedness in front of God; i have nothing to bring to Him other than myself as i am. last weekend, during a time of worship, God revealed a new meaning to me. when my palms are up, my hands cannot be closed in a fist. i cannot lift my palms like this. i must let go of my grasp on all the things my human nature wants to keep. i must open my hands and let God take or give as He chooses. it doesn't mean i will lose everything i have. it means that God has complete control. it's surrender.
last night, while i was driving home on the highway, my car broke down. by God's grace, i had enough momentum in my car to pull onto the shoulder of an offramp before it stopped moving completely. i was driving alone and it was about 9:30pm. i had enough batteries in my cell phone to call home and tell my dad where i was. after that, i could only sit in the darkness, wait and pray. i was quite frustrated when the phone died but in the midst of my chaotic mind, Psalm 121 broke through. He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber....so i will wait for You to come and rescue me.
about half an hour later, a tow truck came by and the driver was nice enough to let me use his cell phone. i contacted my dad again and he told me that my mom was on her way to find me (as i'd taken my dad's car that night). not long after that, my mom arrived and we could finally sort things out.
in the process of it all, i learned that the tow truck driver was out to catch unsuspecting victims and charge exhorbitant amounts for the service. when i asked him how much his fees were, he explained that if the OPP got to my car and ordered him to tow it out of the way, it would be $150. if we wanted him to tow our car before the police got there, it would be $75 for the hook up and $2/km thereafter. the regular rate should have been somewhere between $30-$40. needless to say, we kept with my dad's friend's towing service.
in the end, i got home 1 1/2 hours later than i'd expected with a few important lessons learned:
- God is faithful. don't doubt Him.
- always go to the bathroom before you leave 'cuz you never know how long you might have to wait
- i need a new cell phone battery
- don't trust highway tow truck drivers. they prowl around looking for prey. (reminds me of someone else in this world who does this on a spiritual level...)
"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content."
~Helen Keller
i picked up Helen Keller's autobiography while i was at the browsing the shelves at the library today (yesh, i'm a nerd...). i've heard so much about her life and her courage in the face of losing her sight and hearing at the age of one, but i'd never actually read her story. so anyway, it hasn't inspired countless numbers of people for no reason.
i've always had a fascination for people who function without their senses of sight and hearing and reading her story backed my belief that people without those senses are so much more observant than the rest of us who have all our senses. throughout the book, she keeps remarking about the beauty that is in the world and in nature. her wonder at the world is so rare and inspiring.
anywho, i'll keep this posting short and leave you with a passage i thought was quite insightful...
..."in college, there is no time to commune with one's thoughts. One goes to college to learn, it seems, not to think. When one enters the portals of learning, one leaves the dearest pleasures - solitude, books and imagination - outside with the whispering pines."
