ON YAKS AND PADDED BRAS

it's looking to me like the closer it comes for me to leave, the more "stuff" God is revealing that i need to address. not that everything needs to be solved, but i think it's stuff i haven't acknowledged, stuff i've been trying to ignore.

take the issue of self-esteem. on monday, my friends and i were chatting and one of them pointed out that i may be offered a yak next year (implying a marriage proposal in local terms). immediately, my other friend chimed in, "yeah, what's your price? like how many cattle would you require before you accept the offer?" my reaction? sorry, i'm not for sale. honestly though, i was a little hurt by the question. mostly because i want to believe that i'm more valuable than a herd of cattle (or even a yak!).

which leads me to yesterday, when i went to Pacific Mall with my visiting relatives. while looking at the qipao (traditional women's dresses), my aunt remarked that i'd look good in one but i should get some padding to enhance my figure. again, to be honest, i appreciate that i'm not built like the typical model (very few people are) but i don't need someone to draw attention to my deficits! gah.

anyway, i'm starting to wonder when all this poking and prodding from God is gonna end. i know i definitely prefer comfort and ignorance to this, but i suppose this is all a part of the Refiner's Fire.

sigh.

Daddy, please tell me again that You love me.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
~Romans 8:28~