I've had this post incubating for a while now and I have finally written down what's been on my mind. Those who know me might be surprised that I'm writing about the topic of sex. But I think (and hope) what I have to share here might be of help to someone out there. It's so commonly addressed in the media, but so rarely among friends - at least among the people I know.
Anyway, growing up in a conservative Chinese Christian culture, I was always taught that sex is reserved for a man and a woman inside of marriage. I agreed with that principle (and I still do), so I naively assumed that I wouldn't have to think about it until I was married, or at least when I was ready for marriage. Sure it was an intriguing topic, but I put it on a shelf in my brain somewhere in a dusty corner.
As I grew through my teenage years and university, I not only tried to stay away from sex, I found myself distancing myself from guys. And from what I saw on TV and in movies, and especially after reading books like "Every Man's Battle," my perception of men was that they were sexual animals who could pounce at any moment. I've since learned that they are not, but back then I was afraid of them. And afraid of my own sexuality.
When Tim and I started dating, I was challenged to re-evaluate my assumptions. Could I trust this man to continue honouring me even when I was attractive to him? Was it possible to have a healthy acceptance of our sexuality without jumping into bed? To my surprise, the answer to both of those questions was Yes. In a particularly enlightening conversation, Tim told me that when I looked nice for him, it helped him to fight lust - because it reminded him that I was worth waiting for. And I learned that my sexuality was just as much a part of my whole person when I was unmarried, and that acceptance of it did not mean that I had to engage in sexual behaviour.
I had to unlearn false perceptions about sex and learn about God's view of sex. I also had to learn to trust Tim and his leadership of our physical interactions. In the days leading up to our wedding when hormones were raging and impatience was a common companion, I realized that in order for two people to have sex, it doesn't "just happen." Contrary to so many stories that I had read, each person must decide to go forward with it. (I am not talking about cases of rape, where one is willfully forced upon.) In a sense, I was shocked to discover that I had more control over myself than what I'd been told. When God tells us His Spirit is one of self-control, He means it!
Now that I'm five whopping months into marriage (and counting!), I have come to a point where I accept and even celebrate that my humanity includes my sexuality. I'm still continuing to figure out what healthy sexuality looks like, but I must say that it's been quite a journey toward wholeness for me.
Anyway, growing up in a conservative Chinese Christian culture, I was always taught that sex is reserved for a man and a woman inside of marriage. I agreed with that principle (and I still do), so I naively assumed that I wouldn't have to think about it until I was married, or at least when I was ready for marriage. Sure it was an intriguing topic, but I put it on a shelf in my brain somewhere in a dusty corner.
As I grew through my teenage years and university, I not only tried to stay away from sex, I found myself distancing myself from guys. And from what I saw on TV and in movies, and especially after reading books like "Every Man's Battle," my perception of men was that they were sexual animals who could pounce at any moment. I've since learned that they are not, but back then I was afraid of them. And afraid of my own sexuality.
When Tim and I started dating, I was challenged to re-evaluate my assumptions. Could I trust this man to continue honouring me even when I was attractive to him? Was it possible to have a healthy acceptance of our sexuality without jumping into bed? To my surprise, the answer to both of those questions was Yes. In a particularly enlightening conversation, Tim told me that when I looked nice for him, it helped him to fight lust - because it reminded him that I was worth waiting for. And I learned that my sexuality was just as much a part of my whole person when I was unmarried, and that acceptance of it did not mean that I had to engage in sexual behaviour.
I had to unlearn false perceptions about sex and learn about God's view of sex. I also had to learn to trust Tim and his leadership of our physical interactions. In the days leading up to our wedding when hormones were raging and impatience was a common companion, I realized that in order for two people to have sex, it doesn't "just happen." Contrary to so many stories that I had read, each person must decide to go forward with it. (I am not talking about cases of rape, where one is willfully forced upon.) In a sense, I was shocked to discover that I had more control over myself than what I'd been told. When God tells us His Spirit is one of self-control, He means it!
Now that I'm five whopping months into marriage (and counting!), I have come to a point where I accept and even celebrate that my humanity includes my sexuality. I'm still continuing to figure out what healthy sexuality looks like, but I must say that it's been quite a journey toward wholeness for me.
[God] created [people] male and female and blessed them.
~ Genesis 5:2 ~
~ Genesis 5:2 ~
PS. If you want to discuss this topic with someone but don't know who to ask, feel free to email me. I won't be embarrassed. ;)
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