WHERE'S OLIVE?

If anyone's still checking on this blog, I'll be amazed. Anyway, for those faithful friends out there, I thought I'd break the silence while I have the time to write. (actually, I should be reading my textbook for the course I'm taking in a week... heh heh).

So what insights have I had in the last half a year? Too many to list. But what I will share is my experiences in the last month of the semester that just passed.

Growing up, I didn't have many problems with self-image and self-esteem. I always felt the security of being loved (by God's grace) and I didn't really understand it when those around me went through the turmoil of the teen years. That "perfect" world (in my mind at least) completely shattered in the month of December.

For about a month and a half, I battled a constant barrage of lies. Lies such as "nobody likes you," "you're boring," "no one cares," and "no one understands." And it wasn't a once in a while thing, it was a daily assault on my mind. I knew that they were lies, but I felt like I was drowning. There came a point when I even told God that I was having trouble believing that He loved me. The only weapons I had were the truth of the Word and the prayers of the saints. I found myself fighting for my faith - fighting to choose to believe in who God said I was, fighting to silence the accusations and discouraging words.

In the midst of the darkness, I clung to this one sentence referring to Psalm 23's valley of the shadow of death: The soil is richest in a valley; and there is no shadow unless there is light. These last three weeks, my parents came to visit me and somehow, God used them to re-ground me in His love. I don't know if I'm completely through the valley yet, but it seems like the ground is sloping upward. Praise God!

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
~Psalm 23:4~