LATE BLOOMER

"this one's not opening!" my roommate was looking at one of the two lilies i bought two days before. (i had decided i needed encouragment to stay in my house to unpack.) she held up the one she was looking at: its petals were still furled, their tips barely beginning to unfold. in contrast, the other one that i bought at the same time was in full bloom - pink petals radiating out, filling the room with fragrance. it was hard not to doubt my choice in flower choosing - did i buy a dud?

fast forward two days: my roommate walks out of her room and does a double take. "woah! it opened! and it's so big!" i beam. yep. it opened. and it's just as - if not more - beautiful as the first one.

then, a quiet voice pipes up in my heart, you are this second lily. don't be discouraged, your time will come. just when i'm tempted to lament the slowness of my growth, God shows up and encourages me.

how sweet it is to be loved by You.

But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.
~Habakkuk 2:3~

SOMETIMES LOVE

Sometimes love has to drive a nail into His own hands, into His own hands.
~from a song i heard a number of years ago

love is about sacrifice. i can't say i've mastered it. but i think i'm beginning to understand.

Lord, help me love as You love. Help me give as you give and not fall into bitterness or resentment.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
~1 John 3:16~

PERSPECTIVE

Two tidbits of perspective today:

1. There is no power shortage in the world. According to my prof, if we could harness all the electricity that comes down to us as lighting, we would have enough electricity for the whole world and more to spare. The problem is not that we have a lack of electricity. The problem is a lack of technology. The same goes for our spiritual life. Those who have Christ also have the incomparable power that Paul can only compare to the power that raised Christ to life from the dead. (Did you get that irony? It's incomparable but he still tries to compare it!) Our problem is not power shortage. It's technology shortage - otherwise known as a shortage of faith.

2. I'm more idealistic than I'd like to be. Talking to a counsellor today about my recent battles of the mind, she encouraged me by pretty much saying that there will be more to come. Part of me does not want to accept that as the truth. I wish I could fight the battle once and be done with it. But the truth is that following Christ will mean persecution from the enemy. So I have no option but to cling to the greater truth: That God is with me and that His grace is sufficient.

I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.
~Ephesians 1:18-21~

WHERE'S OLIVE?

If anyone's still checking on this blog, I'll be amazed. Anyway, for those faithful friends out there, I thought I'd break the silence while I have the time to write. (actually, I should be reading my textbook for the course I'm taking in a week... heh heh).

So what insights have I had in the last half a year? Too many to list. But what I will share is my experiences in the last month of the semester that just passed.

Growing up, I didn't have many problems with self-image and self-esteem. I always felt the security of being loved (by God's grace) and I didn't really understand it when those around me went through the turmoil of the teen years. That "perfect" world (in my mind at least) completely shattered in the month of December.

For about a month and a half, I battled a constant barrage of lies. Lies such as "nobody likes you," "you're boring," "no one cares," and "no one understands." And it wasn't a once in a while thing, it was a daily assault on my mind. I knew that they were lies, but I felt like I was drowning. There came a point when I even told God that I was having trouble believing that He loved me. The only weapons I had were the truth of the Word and the prayers of the saints. I found myself fighting for my faith - fighting to choose to believe in who God said I was, fighting to silence the accusations and discouraging words.

In the midst of the darkness, I clung to this one sentence referring to Psalm 23's valley of the shadow of death: The soil is richest in a valley; and there is no shadow unless there is light. These last three weeks, my parents came to visit me and somehow, God used them to re-ground me in His love. I don't know if I'm completely through the valley yet, but it seems like the ground is sloping upward. Praise God!

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
~Psalm 23:4~