JUST WHINING

i don't wanna studyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

ok. enough of that. i need discipline. :p

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
~Hebrews 12:11~

...BUT NOT LOST

a continuation of my previous posting: (thanks for all your comments, it's reassuring to know i'm not walking alone :D )

being bored of reading the other day, my thoughts turned to my heart's tendency to wander. and i asked God exactly what Henri Nouwen put so eloquently. only, in my head, it was more like, "are You not enough?!?!" i wrestled with the fact that no matter how many times i had surrendered, it seemed like i was still holding on. and in the quiet of the shade of the tree, God showed me a simple fact: His grace is sufficient. that means i can come for more, as many times as i want. and He doesn't mind.

so to me, this is the truth that set me free: i am not perfect. and God does not expect me to be. :D so i should not expect me to be. maybe it's not much to you, but it's profound for me.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
~2 Corinthians 12:9~

PRONE TO WANDER

Why, O Lord, is it so hard for me to keep my heart directed toward you? Why do the many little things I want to do, and the many people I know, keep crowding my mind, even during the hours that I am totally free to be with you and
you alone? Why does my mind wander off in so many directions, and why does my heart desire the things that lead me astray? Are you not enough for me? Do I keep doubting your love and care, your mercy and grace? Do I keep wondering, in the center of my being, whether you will give me all I need if I just keep my eyes on you?

Please accept my distractions, my fatigue, my irritations, and my faithless wanderings. You know me more deeply and fully than I know myself. You love me with a greater love than I can love myself. You even offer me more than I can desire. Look at me, see me in all my misery and inner confusion, and let me sense your presence in the midst of my turmoil. All I can do is show myself
to you. Yet, I am afraid to do so. I am afraid that you will reject me. But I know--with the knowledge of faith--that you desire to give me your love. The only thing you ask of me is not to hide from you, not to run away in despair, not to act as if you were a relentless despot.

Take my tired body, my confused mind, and my restless soul into your arms and give me rest, simple quiet rest. Do I ask too much too soon? I should not worry about that. You will let me know. Come Lord Jesus, come. Amen.
~Henri Nouwen

prone to wander, Lord, i feel it; prone to leave the God i love.
here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it; seal it for Thy courts above.

Wait for the LORD ;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the LORD .

~Psalm 27:14~

WHAT DID I MISS IN CLASS?

i'm taking a correspondance course and we had an orientation meeting last week. not surprisingly, many people didn't show. the following is my prof's posting in response to the countless inquiries of "what did i miss?"

Did I Miss Anything

Question frequently asked by
students after missing a class

Nothing. When we realized you weren't here
we sat with our hands folded on our desks
in silence, for the full two hours

Everything. I gave an exam worth
40 per cent of the grade for this term
and assigned some reading due today
on which I'm about to hand out a quiz
worth 50 per cent

Nothing. None of the content of this course
has value or meaning
Take as many days off as you like:
any activities we undertake as a class
I assure you will not matter either to you or me
and are without purpose

Everything. A few minutes after we began last time
a shaft of light descended and an angel
or other heavenly being appeared
and revealed to us what each woman or man must do
to attain divine wisdom in this life and
the hereafter
This is the last time the class will meet
before we disperse to bring this good news to all people
on earth

Nothing. When you are not present
how could something significant occur?

Everything. Contained in this classroom
is a microcosm of human existence
assembled for you to query and examine and ponder
This is not the only place such an opportunity has been
gathered

but it was one place

And you weren't here

~Tom Wayman

Originally from: The Astonishing Weight of the Dead.
Vancouver: Polestar, 1994.

A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master.

~Matthew 10:24~

PEACE, SAFETY AND GOD'S HANDS

two thoughts, one image.

one. for the past month or so, i've been dealing with anxiety stemming from the upcoming changes in my life (ie, i'm moving away for a year) coupled with a lack of consistent times with God. on friday, our fellowship did a review on the book of philippians in the form of a scavenger hunt. for one of the activities, we were told to find the room with the overhead projector and think about the word that was on the wall. the word that we had to reflect upon was peace. and honestly, that was the exact word i needed to be reminded of. i'd never intentionally sat down to think about what peace was, things associated with it or what God says about it so it was an awesome experience just letting my mind explore the word. i concluded that my definition of peace for now is resting cradled in the hand of God.

two. a bunch of people from my church came to my house on saturday to hear me share about what made me decide to go for a year of missions. naturally, many people had concerns for my parents, asking them if they were scared to see their only daughter go so far away. my dad's response was that no matter where we go in life, there is no safe place. the safest place we think is our house, but even there, freak accidents can happen - eg, a number of years ago, a plane crashed into a house down the street from us. i'd like to think that the safest place to be is in the hands of God. 'cuz no matter what happens externally, if my soul is secure, i'm secure.

and so, i am at peace. and how very sweet that is.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
~Philippians 4:6-7~