Generally, I don't post about my marriage but today I am feeling particularly thankful. So in this rare moment, I will risk sounding like a sap and share a bit of what I usually keep private.
I had always wanted to get married, but I hadn't truly expected to. When Tim and I were making the decision about whether or not to take our friendship to a deeper level and explore the possibility of getting married to each other, it came as a bit of a surprise to me. And the main reason I said yes to dating him was because I felt like God was clearly telling me to give it a chance.
Little did I realize how much grace God wanted to pour into my life through the person I now call my husband. Perhaps it was my independant spirit that always resisted the idea of being taken care of, but I think that being in this covenental relationship has finally given me a place of safety where I don't always have to have it all together.
Take today as an example. Today has been a particularly difficult day for me. I've felt sluggish, exhausted and even my bones are achy. The most frustrating thing is that I can't even begin to suggest a cause for this blah-dom. Tim went out over lunch and came home to find me still in my pajamas, curled up on the couch, attempting to sleep the day away. His reponse? He held me and told me he loved me. Even in my blah-ness.
It's times like these that I struggle the most to love myself. Yet there he was, telling me he loved me.
Perhaps this is my imagination running wild, but I can picture this happening. God looked at me and thought Olive sure doesn't get my grace. I need to send a special agent. Who should I send? Oh, I know. I'll send Tim. He'll be my daily reminder to her that she is unconditionally loved.
Thanks, God. Your special agent is accomplishing his mission.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Monday, June 07, 2010
NAMING THE GOOD
I recently watched part of "Entertaining Angels," a movie about the life of Dorothy Day. One scene in particular moved me deeply and has stayed with me till now. (You can watch it here.) In this scene, Dorothy comes home to find her good friend Maggie stealing all her money for a drink. In a fit of rage, Maggie assaults Dorothy. Just as Dorothy is about to fight back, she suddenly softens toward Maggie and says to her, "I see the light in you." Dorothy then proceeds to speak of all the redeeming qualities she sees in her friend, rendering her defenseless against grace.
In scriptures, Jesus tells us two back-to-back parables that illustrate to us this extravagantly gracious nature of our God. In the first, a prodigal son is unexpectedly welcomed home (Luke 15). In the second, a sly and sneaky manager is surprisingly commended for being clever (Luke 16). God sees the good in us and doesn't hesistate to call it out by naming it.
I once heard a psychologist explain a graph called the JoHari window. It describes, in four quadrants, the relationship between what we know about ourselves, what we don't know about ourselves, what others know about us and what others don't know about us. The psychologist also made a remarkable observation: for most people, the majority of what they don't know about themselves but others know about them are positive things.
As I've reflected on this idea that most of us go about our lives having no clue about the goodness that lies within us, I am moved to ask God to help me be a person who both sees and calls out this good in others. Afterall, this is what God does as well.
In scriptures, Jesus tells us two back-to-back parables that illustrate to us this extravagantly gracious nature of our God. In the first, a prodigal son is unexpectedly welcomed home (Luke 15). In the second, a sly and sneaky manager is surprisingly commended for being clever (Luke 16). God sees the good in us and doesn't hesistate to call it out by naming it.
I once heard a psychologist explain a graph called the JoHari window. It describes, in four quadrants, the relationship between what we know about ourselves, what we don't know about ourselves, what others know about us and what others don't know about us. The psychologist also made a remarkable observation: for most people, the majority of what they don't know about themselves but others know about them are positive things.
As I've reflected on this idea that most of us go about our lives having no clue about the goodness that lies within us, I am moved to ask God to help me be a person who both sees and calls out this good in others. Afterall, this is what God does as well.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
DAY IN, DAY OUT
While reading a book about Sabbath last week, I came across this new way of looking at my day. In ancient Jewish custom, they considered the evening the start of the new day. So in essence, the first thing they did each day was sleep. The idea was that while you slept, God would begin His work. And when it came time for you to wake up, you would simply be joining God in the work He had already been doing.
Thinking about my days this way has revolutionized my attitude toward sleeping as well as waking. When my head hits the pillow, I say "God, here's another day for You to work!" and I sleep sweetly, knowing that He taking care of the world and everything in my life. When my alarm goes off, even if I'm groggy, I still recognize that God has been preparing this day for me. That thought makes getting up and going so much more inviting. Curiosity for what God has in store helps get me out of bed!
Thinking about my days this way has revolutionized my attitude toward sleeping as well as waking. When my head hits the pillow, I say "God, here's another day for You to work!" and I sleep sweetly, knowing that He taking care of the world and everything in my life. When my alarm goes off, even if I'm groggy, I still recognize that God has been preparing this day for me. That thought makes getting up and going so much more inviting. Curiosity for what God has in store helps get me out of bed!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
THE GOD WHO WEEPS WITH US
This afternoon, I stood beside my friends as they buried their stillborn child. Their son had only lived 24 weeks in the womb and hadn't survived to see the light of day.
After a brief but touching service, they lowered the tiny casket into the ground. For the most part of the funeral, it had been grey and overcast. The wind would come every so often, reminding us it was still winter. As we said our final goodbyes to this precious baby we'd never met, the skies opened and the raindrops began to fall. In literature, they call this pathetic fallacy - when the weather reflects the events that are happening. Today, I would say it God was weeping with us.
After a brief but touching service, they lowered the tiny casket into the ground. For the most part of the funeral, it had been grey and overcast. The wind would come every so often, reminding us it was still winter. As we said our final goodbyes to this precious baby we'd never met, the skies opened and the raindrops began to fall. In literature, they call this pathetic fallacy - when the weather reflects the events that are happening. Today, I would say it God was weeping with us.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
THE SECRET TO ENJOYING THE RIDE
The weekend before Christmas, Tim and I went up to Whistler to spend a day with my brother-in-law and his girlfriend. Our plan was to go snowtubing on the first day of the snowtube season. For those of you unfamiliar with snowtubing, it's essentially sliding down a 1000 foot long slide made out of snow in a giant rubber tire (the tube). I had never done it before, but it seemed less physically harrowing than snowboarding, which had been our other option.
As I stood at the top of the hill and looked down the various lanes of snow in front of me, I knew this was going to be fast ride. It had rained just the day before so we were going to be sliding on ice. I clumsily climbed into the tube as the assistant held it in place. On the count of three, she let go and I was on my way!
The initial five seconds were terrifying. I had started off facing down the hill but all too quicly, I'd hit a bump and I was now spinning out of control. I was actually hurtling down the slope backwards!
Strangely, it was then that I remembered some wise words I'd heard just the day before from the "Man vs. Wild" TV show (truth appears in many unexpected places, you know): "The secret to survival is not to fight nature, but to work with it."
Something in me clicked. It was no use fighting the tube. I couldn't control it anyway so I was better off just letting go and allowing it to turn and spin and bounce however it wanted to. I resolved to let the ride be what it was.
Two hours later, we left the park. And I could only say it was SO. MUCH. FUN!
For me, this experience is not just about snowtubing. As I learn and figure out more of who God has really made me to be and the life He has in store for me, I must resist the urge to control, fight or deny the twists and bumpy parts. And I suspect that when I can finally embrace whatever comes my way, I will possess the ability to be thankful for every moment of the ride.
As I stood at the top of the hill and looked down the various lanes of snow in front of me, I knew this was going to be fast ride. It had rained just the day before so we were going to be sliding on ice. I clumsily climbed into the tube as the assistant held it in place. On the count of three, she let go and I was on my way!
The initial five seconds were terrifying. I had started off facing down the hill but all too quicly, I'd hit a bump and I was now spinning out of control. I was actually hurtling down the slope backwards!
Strangely, it was then that I remembered some wise words I'd heard just the day before from the "Man vs. Wild" TV show (truth appears in many unexpected places, you know): "The secret to survival is not to fight nature, but to work with it."
Something in me clicked. It was no use fighting the tube. I couldn't control it anyway so I was better off just letting go and allowing it to turn and spin and bounce however it wanted to. I resolved to let the ride be what it was.
Two hours later, we left the park. And I could only say it was SO. MUCH. FUN!
For me, this experience is not just about snowtubing. As I learn and figure out more of who God has really made me to be and the life He has in store for me, I must resist the urge to control, fight or deny the twists and bumpy parts. And I suspect that when I can finally embrace whatever comes my way, I will possess the ability to be thankful for every moment of the ride.
"She can laugh at the days to come."
~ Proverbs 31:25b ~
Thursday, December 24, 2009
A CHRISTMAS PRAYER
I am standing in a stable. They tell me the Son of God was born here tonight. I stare. I am shocked. The baby! The baby is so small! This is God?!?
Mary invites me closer. "Would you like to hold him?" she asks. I nod.
As I cradle him in my arms, I am mesmerized. All the hope of the world, all the good, all the peace that exists, all these and more were contained in his tiny features. And I, I am holding him.
His eyes are closed. He turns his head, shifting in his sleep. So delicate, so beautiful, so unassuming. Overwhelmed with gratitude, I begin to softly hum.
A refuge for the poor, a shelter from the storm,
This is our God.
He will wipe away your tears, return your wasted years,
This is our God.
Oh call on his name, he is mighty to save
This is our God.
He hears me. The child stirs and opens his eyes. And the world is suddenly awash with Love.
This is our God!
Mary invites me closer. "Would you like to hold him?" she asks. I nod.
As I cradle him in my arms, I am mesmerized. All the hope of the world, all the good, all the peace that exists, all these and more were contained in his tiny features. And I, I am holding him.
His eyes are closed. He turns his head, shifting in his sleep. So delicate, so beautiful, so unassuming. Overwhelmed with gratitude, I begin to softly hum.
A refuge for the poor, a shelter from the storm,
This is our God.
He will wipe away your tears, return your wasted years,
This is our God.
Oh call on his name, he is mighty to save
This is our God.
He hears me. The child stirs and opens his eyes. And the world is suddenly awash with Love.
This is our God!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
EXTRAVAGANT
Work pressure has been slowly building up lately and I've been fighting to see myself as valuable apart from my work. One such morning, I sat there desperate before the Lord. I prayed that He would help me see myself as He saw me.
I was surprised when the text that came to mind was Matthew 13:44, "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." What did that have to do with my question? I wondered.
Then it made sense. I had always taken the verse to mean that we are to be like the man who sells it all for the joy of finding the gospel. I suddenly realized that the man in the story is more like God and that we are the treasure that He finds and gives up everything to acquire! The parable was about God and His heart towards us! We are the field that He sees the value hidden in and He did give everything He had in order to buy us.
It makes me think about my response as one who claims to follow Him. Do I look at each person I encounter and see their hidden treasure? Would I pull out all the stops to let these people know how valuable they are?
I am God's treasure. So are you. How amazing is that?!
I was surprised when the text that came to mind was Matthew 13:44, "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." What did that have to do with my question? I wondered.
Then it made sense. I had always taken the verse to mean that we are to be like the man who sells it all for the joy of finding the gospel. I suddenly realized that the man in the story is more like God and that we are the treasure that He finds and gives up everything to acquire! The parable was about God and His heart towards us! We are the field that He sees the value hidden in and He did give everything He had in order to buy us.
It makes me think about my response as one who claims to follow Him. Do I look at each person I encounter and see their hidden treasure? Would I pull out all the stops to let these people know how valuable they are?
I am God's treasure. So are you. How amazing is that?!
"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
~ Luke 12:7 ~
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